Still the Same to Me
by ArmAndLeg
Summary: [AU] What if Kenshin failed in the one thing he needed to keep on doing to stay a wanderer? How would Sanosuke deal with Kenshin as he wavers even more dangeriously between wanderer and manslayer? Would he still think of him as the same?
1. The Death of Kamiya Kaoru

AN: Just a little something my friend requested. I only jumped on the idea because it involved possible and much Kenshin-angst, and as you will all soon learn, I LOVE torturing bishounen to death. 

Warnings: Mentioned character death, angst, possible chance of shounen ai undertones towards the end if my muses take advantage of the situation…

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. But I am currently collecting as many of the DVDs as possible. Please excuse any OOCness, because I have only seen so much of the series.

Still the Same to Me

It had been a long day.

Yahiko had taken the news with difficulty, almost breaking down and crying in front of him. Sanosuke just stared at him in numbness before walking off, muttering he wanted to be alone, and Megumi had instantly rushed to him, hugging him and crying onto his shoulder.

He had been numb. He had spoken as if nothing had happened, and by that point, Kenshin didn't care anymore about how unaffected he sounded. Having seen similar and even worse scenarios in his life, it wasn't new. To see a crumbled form of a woman, bathed in blood, was not something that would have phased Kenshin at all if it had been back during the revolution. The fact that it was now, in the Meiji Era, and that it had been someone he knew, someone he had promised himself he would protect—that was what disturbed him.

What disturbed him more was the fact that this was not the first time this had happened. But now, as he walked into the room of the Dojo that he now had the right to call his, the tears Kenshin had been hiding from himself worked their ways to the surface, giving him no chance to stop them as they made a break for it. Sighing, his breath shaking due to his choked sobs, Kenshin collapsed onto the floor, his sakabato clanging noisily to the ground beside him.

"Damnit…" he hissed, clutching at his head, his eyes squeezed shut, his nails digging into the feather-light skin of his scalp. "Damnit…!" He wanted to punch something, wanted to scream, wanted to go back and make everything right again.

He couldn't. He could never make anything right, and he could never do anything right. He couldn't protect the people he loved around him. Kaoru's death just assured that fact. Useless…utterly and hopelessly useless as a wanderer, as the pacifist, that he most certainly was if he couldn't even protect Kaoru. She loved him. It was so plain to see that—the same look had been in _her_ eyes right before _she_ died. And Kenshin had let Kaoru die. He could have saved her from her premature end—if only he had reacted in time, if he hadn't let her come along….

It was his own foolishness—he didn't expect his opponent to be of someone with such skill that Battousai had nearly unleashed himself from Kenshin's tight control. She was following him, to make sure that he was all right. Sighing again, his sobs calming down to silent tears, he should have known she would, and should have told her to stay behind. As the duel grew heated and more and more attacks were being thrown with every intention to kill, Kenshin failed to notice how his hold was slipping, how Battousai was fighting to break free, and how Kaoru had suddenly seem determined to stop everything.

__

"Stop it, Kenshin! You can't allow yourself to become the Battousai again!"

…Again, his sword had been unable to prevent the shedding of innocent blood. Again, his sword had _shed_ perfectly innocent blood. He had disgraced the name of Hiten Mitsurugi, disgraced his master, and most of all, disgraced the memory of Tomoe. 

__

"A manslayer is a manslayer until the day he dies."

"I am not a manslayer," Kenshin whispered, shaking his head, trying to block out the words that every one of his opponents had muttered to him at some point. "I will _never _be a manslayer again."

__

But you killed, Battousai argued._ Isn't it true that if you killed again, you would become a manslayer again?_

"I wasn't the manslayer," Kenshin muttered, "that I most certainly was not."

__

You still killed.

"Be quiet," Kenshin ordered. "I didn't want to kill her. Just like you didn't want to kill Tomoe."

At that, Battousai remained silent, disappearing into the recesses of Kenshin's mind. With no one to talk to, not even the darker side of himself that Kenshin no longer wished to associate with, he was truly alone. There was no more Kaoru to ask him what was wrong; there was no one who would badger him into talking about it. Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi…they'd leave him alone, thinking he needed space when he really needed was a shoulder to cry on.

"Ken-san? Are you in there?" Megumi's hesitant voice called out through the thin door. Kenshin snapped his attention towards it, remaining silent, wondering if she would open the door. As much as he wanted someone to talk to, Kenshin wouldn't allow himself to speak. He was afraid that his voice would be different, that it would be Battousai talking instead of himself.

"Megumi, Kenshin probably doesn't want to talk to a woman right now," Kenshin heard Sanosuke's rough voice intervene. 

"But he's been so quiet, Sanosuke. It's unnatural."

"Jou-chan—" Sanosuke's voice hitched just a bit, causing Kenshin to wince because he knew Sanosuke's pain was his fault, "Jou-chan's death probably has hit him the worst out of all of us. Did you see his eyes? As numb as he sounded there was still so much pain in them."

Kenshin couldn't help but to smile tiredly, picking up his bloody sakabato and place it over on the other side of the room. He didn't want it to be near him, and the farther away the less chance it had of staining him with even more blood. 

"Do you think you should go talk to him?"

"I don't think he wanted to talk, Kitsune," Sanosuke muttered, "but he needs to. He can't sit around and mope in his room. He has to get over it."

"But…aren't you hurt, too?"

"Of course I'm hurt! Jou-chan was like a sister to me!" Sanosuke sighed, and Kenshin heard the door move just a bit, and he looked up expectantly. "Do you mind, Kenshin, if I speak with you?"

Kenshin shook his head and motioned Sanosuke to sit down beside him. "What is it, Sanosuke?" his voice sounded exactly the same, and for that Kenshin was relieved.

Sanosuke's eyes widened before they narrowed at him. "You know damn well what I want to talk about, Kenshin. How can you just sit here and do nothing?"

"Because it's all I can do, that it is," Kenshin whispered, sighing and looking up towards the ceiling. He didn't bother plastering on a fake smile; he knew Sanosuke would see through it as if it were glass. "I'll miss her…"

"We all will," Sanosuke whispered, his voice softer than Kenshin's, it's normally rough edge to it gone and replaced with a soft sadness. Slowly, Kenshin felt a hesitant arm be placed around his shoulders and leaned into the touch, finding himself cushioned against Sanosuke's chest. "What are you so afraid of, Kenshin? I can see the fear in your eyes."

Kenshin sighed, ignoring the closeness shared between himself and Sanosuke, closing his eyes and resisting the urge to nuzzle further into Sanosuke's chest. "I am not afraid, Sano. Just merely worried."

"That the Battousai within you will gain control again?"

Kenshin didn't bother to conceal neither his shock nor his gasp as he turned his head upwards, gazing into Sanosuke's eyes. "You know?"

"Kenshin, you're still a wanderer to me," Sanosuke said, choosing his words slowly, carefully. "You haven't changed. I know you had to be the one who…killed Jou-chan—the way you held your sakabato, how shadowed your eyes were with pain and guilt… I'm surprised no one else saw it." 

"But I killed her, Sano," Kenshin returned hoarsely, looking away, closing his eyes tightly again, clutching at Sanosuke's strong arms as they pulled him closer. "I killed her! I killed someone! I said I'd never kill again—and since I killed again, I'm a manslayer once again, that I am…" His words were feverish, rushed and jumbled together, but they died as his voice did towards the end.

What happened next Kenshin would never understand, but Sanosuke tilted Kenshin's chin so they were looking each other in the eye. All Kenshin could see was the utmost sincerity, and he knew what Sanosuke was going to say next. "You will always be the same Kenshin to me, even if you've become a manslayer again. And I doubt you have—look at you, Kenshin, you're so upset over killing Kaoru. A real manslayer would be revealing in his deed, you're scared shitless from it."

Kenshin couldn't help but to manage a small smile, almost pulling himself out of Sanosuke's arms before snuggling into the younger man's chest, sighing. "Sano…can you stay here tonight? With me?"

Sanosuke just answered by tightening his arms around Kenshin, whispering, "Of course, Kenshin. I had planned to," as Kenshin found enough calm within himself to allow sleep to come to him. It wasn't peaceful, but it was a bearable one with Sanosuke's arms around him. 


	2. A Fight for Control

AN: Well…my muses couldn't leave me alone. They told me I left this incomplete. Perhaps I should fix that problem, ne? Thank you, everyone, for reviewing. ^_^ It made me feel special… Oh, and happy Easter~! 

Warning: Same as the first chapter, 'cept the shounen ai undertones are less…undertone-ish.

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Two

Sanosuke had no idea what to do. It had been a month now since Kaoru's unfortunate death—a long, torturous month for everyone at the Dojo due to Kenshin's sudden depression. And things were starting to get weird. The other day Sanosuke had found Kenshin muttering to himself, almost as if he was talking to someone who wasn't there. Needless to say, it worried Sanosuke.

But every time Kenshin had done so since, he would notice Sanosuke's presence within seconds, stop, look up, glare at him or smile at him disarmingly. Whenever Kenshin would smile, Sanosuke would feel relief crash upon his shoulders like a waterfall…but when he was glaring, Sanosuke always had the urge to run. It seemed as if Kenshin was truly two different people now, and Sanosuke was frightened. Was this what Kaoru had been talking about—there being two Kenshins?

He hoped this wasn't. Yes, Kenshin was still the same Kenshin to him, but…he wasn't acting the same. The depression was understandable—but to see Kenshin lose control of his actions, of his _anger_ like he had been…it was frightening. To see Kenshin snap at Yahiko to go away, or at Megumi for trying to clean his wounds, it was every ounce unnatural. If there were really two different Kenshins, Sanosuke wanted the old one back, the one who went, "Oro!" when embarrassed or shocked, the one who was humble and kind.

This Kenshin—this Kenshin must have been the true Hitokiri Battousai. There was almost doubt in Sanosuke's mind by now. At least tonight it was the normal Kenshin who was in control, and he was making dinner. Sanosuke watched as Kenshin silently cut up vegetables, watched as Kenshin was careful as he made the rice. It never ceased to amaze him that Kenshin acted so much like a woman at times, which was why he could never stop watching whenever Kenshin was doing so.

However, every down stroke of the knife became less like Kenshin's normal stroke. They became hesitant at first, then sped up. Sanosuke watched, tilting his head, when Kenshin stopped, bowed his head, and tossed the knife away.

"No…" he breathed out loud. "Damnit, Battousai, stop it. Stop ordering me around. I'm in charge—_no_!" Sanosuke was alarmed, but remained where he was, as Kenshin collapsed to the floor, clutching at his head. "I didn't meant to kill her. I—didn't—mean—to." 

Then it was over. It seemed so much longer than those few seconds where the pain was so evident in Kenshin's eyes that it scared Sanosuke…what scared Sanosuke even more was the fear that was there, as well. As if nothing had happened, Kenshin stood up and resumed his cooking, and Sanosuke took that time to leave the doorway. 

"Sano? Is Megumi-dono still here?" Kenshin called out from the kitchen, causing Sanosuke to stop in his movements. 

"No, Kenshin, she left a while ago," Sanosuke responded, sighing. "She had an emergency operation to perform."

"Ah," was all Kenshin responded with. "Well, tell Yahiko that dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

His voice was dead and every ounce of weight it carried made Sanosuke wished that he knew what was going on in Kenshin's mind. He wanted to stop whatever it was, make Kenshin happy again. Kaoru had been able to make him happy…will Kenshin ever be happy again now that she was gone? Still, even if Kenshin was obviously so miserable, he continued to force himself to smile.

However, even that forced smile was becoming rare. Sitting down in the dining room, Yahiko not too far behind him, Sanosuke waited for the eating to commence in silence. Kenshin walked in, dishes ready for the three of them, and set himself down in front of them. "I'm starting work tomorrow. Without Kaoru-dono we need someone to work and I've decided that it will be me. It's the least I can do, that it is," was all he said as he sat down, picking up his bowl of rice and nibbling at it.

"Kenshin, you don't need to do that," Sanosuke muttered, picking up his bowl of rice as well. He was somewhat relieved that Kenshin decided to have a conversation tonight. 

"Yeah, Sanosuke and I can go out and find work!" Yahiko added between mouthfuls of food. 

"No," Kenshin breathed, "you two have your own lives, I'd rather not depend on either of you."

"Kenshin, stop being stubborn," Sanosuke said softly. "Ever since Kaoru's death you've been making things worse for yourself by burying yourself in work and little projects throughout the Dojo. You need to relax."

Yahiko nodded beside him, and Sanosuke felt that maybe, tonight, they'd be able to get through to the hardheaded rurouni. Such was not the case, however, as Kenshin shook his head. "By keeping my mind off things I'm helping myself little by little. I don't mind working all day, that I do not." 

Sanosuke sighed, sitting back and deciding that Kenshin didn't want to talk anymore, so he finished eating his meal. He glanced over at Yahiko, who wasn't eating at all, just staring at Kenshin. "You're not the same anymore, Kenshin," Yahiko said finally, putting his bowl down and setting his chopsticks beside it. "What's happened to you?"

Kenshin just glanced up at Yahiko from his own food before sighing. "Yahiko, I'd rather not bother you with my thoughts. Please, just finish eating and leave it be. I will be fine, that I will, just give me time."

Sanosuke sensed Yahiko's next words before they even left his mouth. 

"You were the one who killed her, weren't you?"

Kenshin slammed his bowl down, stood up, and walked out of the dining room. 

"Oi! Kenshin, come back here and answer my—" Sanosuke placed a hand over Yahiko's mouth, shaking his head when Yahiko looked at him.

"Weren't his actions enough to answer your question?" Sanosuke breathed, removing his hand. 

Yahiko glared at him, moved so he could get up, then changed his mind. "Just how much do you know of what happened to her?" he asked, "Why the hell is Kenshin acting like this, Sanosuke?" 

Sanosuke sighed and stared towards the door, hoping that Kenshin would come back and apologize for his actions, so they could have another peaceful dinner like they used to have when Kaoru was around. "I don't know much, Yahiko," he began slowly, turning his eyes back to the boy, "but I do know he ended up killing her."

"I—how—why would Kenshin…?"

"She must have gotten in the way to try and stop him. I told you I don't know much. But he's—Yahiko, he's afraid."

Yahiko glared at Sanosuke before crossing his arms and looking away, his lower lip sticking out in thought. "Why would he be afraid? It was an accident, right?"

"…I sure hope it was, Yahiko, and by the way he's been acting, I'd say it was," Sanosuke whispered. "But don't you get it? He killed again. He thinks he'll go back to being a manslayer and he doesn't want that to happen."

"Kenshin wouldn't—not when he killed someone on accident!" 

Sanosuke just nodded towards Yahiko, keeping his own thoughts to himself. He didn't want to worry Yahiko or get him worked up—Kenshin deserved a few moments of rest. "But he still killed someone," he muttered under his breath, standing up. "I'm going to check up on Kenshin, to see if he's alright. Can you clean up in here for him, Yahiko?"

Yahiko looked away from Sanosuke, picking up the dishes slowly. "Sure. Tell him I'm sorry for asking him about Kaoru, okay? It's my fault he's upset."

Sanosuke nodded and left the room, patting Yahiko on the head. The boy would never fully understand what was going on inside of Kenshin, and for that matter, Sanosuke wouldn't, either. But unlike Yahiko it seemed like Sanosuke had a chance of figuring some of it out. "Kenshin?" he called out, heading towards the rurouni's room. 

"Leave me alone, Sanosuke," Kenshin growled once Sanosuke opened his bedroom door. "I don't feel like talking right now."

That—that wasn't Kenshin's normal tone of voice at all. Sighing, Sanosuke walked in, shutting the door slowly behind him. "I'm not leaving," he whispered, "until you tell me what's going on with you, Kenshin."

"It's Battousai. And there is nothing wrong with Kenshin, he's just taking a break right now."

Shit. How was he going to deal with this…?

"I have to compliment Kenshin, however. He lasted quite a long time, fighting off my control after her death. To think that all it took was one little question from that boy—Yahiko, his name was?"

"Battousai, let Kenshin have control again," Sanosuke whispered, praying that Yahiko wouldn't come to check up on Kenshin as well. "I want him back."

"You want him back?" Battousai turned, smirking, his golden eyes standing out starkly in the dark room. "Why do you want him back?"

Sanosuke stood, frozen for a brief moment, trying to stare Battousai down before turning his head away in shame. "Personal reasons," he whispered.

"He won't come back. He's no longer a wanderer since he's killed—you do realize that, don't you?" Battousai asked, standing up, treading softly towards Sanosuke. "He lost his reason to remain a wanderer. He loved Kaoru—probably not the same way that she loved him, but he loved her. Do you want him back now, knowing that he possibly will never love you?"

Sanosuke narrowed his eyes at Battousai. "What do you mean?" he growled, "I just want Kenshin back! Is that too much to ask?"

Battousai stopped and looked up, staring Sanosuke in the eye, his smirk never leaving his face. "What do I mean…?" he breathed, leaning against Sanosuke. "If I were Kenshin right now you'd want to hold me closer, would blush because I leaned against you like this. You're infatuated with my other half, aren't you, Sanosuke?"

Sanosuke backed up from Battousai, glaring at him. "Kenshin's my friend. That's why I want him back."

"You want him back because you love him and wish to help him. I will tell you a little secret—Kenshin is beyond help. He's asleep right now, unable to hear our conversation. What's stopping you from telling me that you love him?"

"What if I don't want to tell you?" Sanosuke muttered, clenching his fists at his sides. "Damnit, give Kenshin back control!" he hissed, his fingernails digging into his palms. 

"If you love him, I should warn you," Battousai whispered, turning back around. "All of those who loved him like Kaoru did—they've died. By his hand. Do you accept that your fate is death if you love him?"

"Why should you care? Aren't you the legendary manslayer that's been fighting for control over that body? If I die it'll just be another dead body to you, you won't care about it," Sanosuke muttered.

"Yes, but if he kills another, then I'll be sure to have complete control. Tell me—is Kenshin still the same to you, now that you know of my existence?"

Sanosuke was taken aback by how soft Battousai's tone was, by how much regret there was when he said he would take complete control if Kenshin killed another. "He didn't mean to kill Kaoru, and you're not him. Of course he's still the same to me."

"He never means to kill those he's closest to. Like I never meant to kill Tomoe. We're both cursed, Sanosuke, and you have to accept that fact before you accept that you love one of us," Battousai whispered. "I was just making sure you knew what you were getting yourself into. I may not know you as well as Kenshin knows you, but I do know how much he doesn't want to burden you."

"He isn't a burden. I want to help him—please, give him back control, Battousai," Sanosuke pleaded softly, walking over to him. "Do you really want to cause him more pain by taking control?"

"Sanosuke…take good care of him until your death," Battousai muttered, turning around to face Sanosuke. He closed his golden eyes, took in a deep breath, and punched himself just as he had after the fight with Saitou. Once his eyes opened again, Sanosuke could see the pale amethyst and was instantly relieved.

"Kenshin…" 

Kenshin blinked, then hugged Sanosuke for all he was worth. "Thank you…thank you for convincing him to give me back control, Sano…"

Sanosuke gulped before hugging Kenshin back, careful of his actions. "You're…welcome, Kenshin. Yahiko just wanted me to tell you that he was sorry for asking you about Kaoru."

"Did you answer me for him?" Kenshin breathed, looking up at Sanosuke. Sighing, Sanosuke nodded. "Does he think of me any different?"

"No. Like me, he believes you won't become a manslayer again," Sanosuke whispered, holding Kenshin closer. "And you won't, for as long as I can help it, Kenshin."

Kenshin nodded, resting his head on Sanosuke's shoulder before pulling himself away. "I'm going to go to bed now, Sanosuke. Please, take care of Yahiko for me."

Sanosuke watched as Kenshin sat himself down before nodding and leaving the room. Somehow, he knew that Battousai wasn't going to give up in his control so easily…but for now, he was glad that Kenshin would still be around for a bit longer…even if it was only for a little bit. 


	3. An Easy Day

AN: To tell the honest truth, I have no clue where this story is going. It's been a while since I've written a fanfic completely on a whim, without a plan, so it's interesting to see where this is going. Hopefully, my muses will keep jumping at possible things to do. 

Oh, and I'm not fully ignoring the Kyoto Arch, but I feel that, even with the learning of the final secret to the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, that Kenshin can still turn back into the Battousai if prompted. (And I'll be damned if I try to spell that technique without it spelled correctly right in front of me…) And Battousai, when speaking to Kenshin, is no longer identified by Italics. -_-; 

/…./ -- Battousai talking, kay?

Warnings: Do I need to warn of the same things over and over again?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kenshin—I don't even own all of the DVDs, even though I'm trying damn hard to collect them all.

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Three

Kenshin didn't know whether the week without Battousai constantly commenting on everything he did was a good omen or a bad one. He had to admit, it was a nice, relaxing break, but it worried him. Still, it was almost as if things had gone back to normal… But hadn't it only been a week since he had almost lost complete control of his body to Battousai? How could things be this normal? It had been over a month, too, since Kaoru's death, and yet it felt much longer than that. So much longer, in fact, that Kenshin felt as if he was over it now.

That unnerved him. He was acting normal, Sanosuke was acting normal, and Yahiko had found ways to continue his training, as if everything was normal. What was going on? Did all it really take was Sanosuke telling the Battousai within him to back off to make things this normal again? Wasn't the only person Battousai ever listened to their Shishou? Did Sanosuke really have that much power over Battousai? 

/Don't you dare start thinking that one little idiot like him can control me, Kenshin. You know better than that./ 

Kenshin blinked, stopping in the middle of his scrubbing of the dishes. "Battousai?"

/Damnit, of course it's me. Who else would you hear in your head?/ 

Kenshin sighed, pulling his hands out from the dishwater and drying them as best he could with a cloth, walking out of the kitchen area and into his room. At least dinner was complete this time. He didn't know what he would do if Battousai had tried to talk to him during dinner…or how long he could last fighting off Battousai from gaining complete control. "Why are you talking to me now, Battousai?" Kenshin muttered as he walked into his room, noting that Sanosuke was no where to be found inside of the Dojo and that Yahiko was out in the yard, practicing.

/Because you were thinking about that idiot./ 

"And what's so special about Sano? And he isn't an idiot, he's actually rather intelligent, that he is," Kenshin whispered, sitting himself down in the middle of his room, crossing his arms over his chest. He hadn't had a conversation with Battousai that didn't consist of, "Give me control," or, "You're a manslayer, accept that fact," in months, and he was going to jump upon the opportunity of having a somewhat normal conversation with his other half.

/I know he's intelligent,/Battousai muttered, and if he had been sitting across from Kenshin his arms would be crossed exactly the same way, his eyes closed to show that he was a lot calmer than he normally was, /but he has no common sense. You have to admit that, Kenshin./

"Since when have you been observing Sano, Battousai?" Kenshin asked, opening his eyes. "You aren't planning on hurting him, are you?"

At that Battousai remained silent, and if he had been sitting in front of Kenshin he would have shifted in nervousness. /Why do you ask?/

"Because you know he's my friend," Kenshin whispered. "I don't want you hurting any of my friends, Battousai. You know that."

/Don't worry, Kenshin, I'm not going to hurt him. He's too stupid and provides much entertainment—I just can't hurt him./ 

At this Kenshin raised an eyebrow. "Why is he so amusing?"

/You haven't noticed? Your skills in reading ki are lacking, Kenshin. Isn't it obvious? The boy is head over heels in love and isn't doing a single thing about it./ 

"My skills aren't lacking, I just choose not to use them as much as I used to," Kenshin muttered. "And I knew Sano was in love, but using that as a way to toy with him isn't nice, Battousai."

/Aren't you the least bit curious to know who he loves?/ 

"Battousai—I have no intention of knowing. If Sano wants to tell me, he'll tell me himself, that he will," Kenshin whispered. 

"Oi! Kenshin, where the hell are you?" Sanosuke's voice called out from the other end of the Dojo. "I thought you and I were going to go get some food supplies—you said we were runnin' low the other day!"

Kenshin smiled at the interruption, his smile growing wider when Battousai cursed and buried himself further back into Kenshin's mind. Without hesitating Kenshin stood up, hiding his anxiety over Battousai's sudden interest in Sanosuke and walked to where he thought he heard Sanosuke's voice originate. Sanosuke smiled at him, his dark eyes warmer than usual.

"I didn't actually think you'd come when called," he snickered, turning around. "What do we need to get from the market, Kenshin?"

"Just some more tofu, vegetables, and rice, Sano," Kenshin responded, easily catching up with Sanosuke, somehow matching the taller man's stride with ease. "I would have had Yahiko go out and get it, but he was busy practicing. It's best I let him train."

Sanosuke turned and smiled at Kenshin. "Well, it seems as though we've finally fallen into a routine. I doubt Jou-chan would have enjoyed allowing Yahiko get away with so much, however."

Kenshin shrugged. "It's my way of telling him I'm sorry for not telling him sooner about Kaoru-dono's death, Sano," he whispered, his eyes downcast. "And if it hadn't been for you, I would have lost control of Battousai completely. And who knows what he would have done to Yahiko."

At that Sanosuke turned his head away from Kenshin, sighing. "Is he still trying to take control?"

"No," Kenshin responded, relief flooding his tone. He didn't care if Battousai talked to him, it was just when he had an intent to kill, to control their body and do horrible things with it that he cared. "He hasn't since you've convinced him to give me back control."

Sanosuke nodded, still looking straight ahead. "Has he…talked to you?"

"He's been silent, for the most part." 

"What did he tell you?"

Kenshin blinked at the question, then turned to smile at Sanosuke. "Nothing you should be concerned about, that you shouldn't. He wasn't particularly murderous or anything. In fact, it was a rather decent conversation."

Sanosuke stopped walking in the middle of the street and blinked at Kenshin. "Are you alright?"

"Oro? Of course I'm alright, Sano," Kenshin reassured, continuing to smile at him. "Battousai isn't all bad, you know. He's just…he's my other half, that he is. He can be nice at times."

"I guess you're right, Kenshin. You do know him better than I do," Sanosuke muttered. "He was rather…civil with me when he was in control a week ago."

Kenshin nodded, deciding that it was time they ended their conversation about his other half. Just because Battousai was in a rather good mood for today did not mean that he would appreciate them talking about him as if he wasn't there, when he would always be there to overhear their conversations. It was something Kenshin could never get used to, especially when Battousai decided to add his own opinions, sometimes taking over long enough to say what he wanted to say out loud, and then leaving Kenshin to explain himself. At least, with Sanosuke, Battousai seemed to understand that Kenshin wanted to speak to him without any interruptions.

"Oi, Kenshin, has he said anything about me?" Sanosuke muttered suddenly, pulling Kenshin out of his little nest of thoughts. "Battousai, I mean."

Kenshin sighed. "He hasn't said much, Sano, don't worry," he said softly. He looked up from the street and pointed out one of the stands in the marketplace. "This is where I usually go to get vegetables, come on, I'm going to need your help with everything."

"Oi, Kenshin, why couldn't you just get any of the vegetables from the garden back at the Dojo? Wouldn't that make more sense?" 

Kenshin could have _sworn_ he heard Battousai laughing in the back of his mind, but shook it off. "There's a couple of vegetables I need that we don't grow in the garden, Sano," he muttered, trying to act as if he hadn't been embarrassed at all. "That and the garden doesn't last for ever, that it does not…"

"You forgot we had a garden, didn't you, Kenshin?" Sanosuke dared to ask, smirking.

"Oro! Of course I didn't, Sano, why would I forget something like that?" Kenshin countered, fighting off the warmth that spread through his cheeks. Damnit, now was not the time to be blushing. Sanosuke chuckled softly, lightly placing an arm around Kenshin's shoulders. Kenshin glared up at him playfully.

"Well, I'll go get the tofu, Kenshin," he said, still smiling widely at Kenshin, pulling the little bucket they used to put the tofu in out of Kenshin's hands. "You can handle everything else while I'm away, right? Won't forget your way back to the Dojo, right?"

"Oro! That wasn't fair!" Kenshin muttered, pulling out from under Sanosuke's arm. "I will not forget my way back. The Dojo's my home now, remember?" 

/Wanderers don't have homes, Kenshin./ 

"Neither do manslayers, Battousai," Kenshin muttered as he watched Sanosuke walk off to collect the tofu. Sighing, he turned around and began to pick up vegetables from the stand, choosing carefully.

/I was wondering when he would leave. He was asking too many questions again… / 

Kenshin ignored Battousai and continued with his shopping, hoping that Battousai would, for once, forget about having a conversation while they were out in public. Battousai was fond of doing that, and usually Kenshin never dignified him with a response. But almost at once his senses sharpened at the recognition of a rather strong ki. 

/Soujiro Seta, / Battousai muttered. /Where is he? I can smell him even though you've lost your sense for blood a while ago, Kenshin./

Kenshin again ignored Battousai, but was more on alert now, scanning the crowds for the familiar ki. "I thought he went to be a wanderer, like myself…" he whispered before shrugging his shoulders. The ki was threatening for anyone who knew of Soujiro, but still it didn't feel threatening enough for Kenshin to completely forgo his mission on buying the food items needed to make dinner for the next week or so. 

/Damnit, Kenshin, you know better than to just act normal when _he's_ around./

"There is nothing to worry about," Kenshin reassured himself. "Absolutely nothing, that there isn't." And without hesitation, Kenshin made his purchase and walked off to find Sanosuke. Even if he knew Soujiro would only be after him and him alone, Kenshin had to make sure that Sanosuke would be all right. He had lost a lover and a good friend due to his carelessness. This time he would make sure he would protect those around him. 

Battousai smirked within him, trying to hide his glee. If Kenshin were to become protective over Sanosuke and Yahiko, there were more chances of him losing control. Kenshin didn't need to kill in order to become a manslayer again; killing was such a trivial thing to Battousai. What Battousai needed to gain complete and total control was Kenshin's trust in him—and what better way to do that than to help Kenshin protect those who remained of his loved ones?

Kenshin blinked then shook his head, sighing as he made his way over to Sanosuke. Sanosuke could take care of himself, right? Then there was no need he should be worrying about the taller man. Or so Kenshin hoped, anyway. And Sanosuke could take care of Yahiko should the need arise. As much as he wanted to protect the two of them, he couldn't do so without the help of Battousai. 

/I knew you'd agree,/ Battousai whispered, but once again Kenshin ignored him in favor of smiling at Sanosuke, even if it was one of his forced ones.

Sanosuke smiled back, showed Kenshin that he completed his mission of capturing the tofu, and the two were on their way back to the Dojo. All the while Kenshin couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched, and a few times he thought he caught glimpses of Soujiro. Sighing, Kenshin sent a warning glance throughout the crowd, hoping that Soujiro would catch it and get the point.

Who knows? Perhaps Soujiro was just wandering his way through Tokyo, and had no business with Kenshin… It seemed a bit much to hope for, but Kenshin hoped for it, all the same. Hoping didn't help much as Soujiro's ki continued to follow him.

He hoped, instead, that he would not need Battousai's help. How could he successfully be a wanderer if he had to depend on the power and strength of his hardened, frightful other half? 


	4. Conversations on the Way Home

AN: Wow…I'm on a writing spree! Oh, and usually I don't tend to ask, but I would like some reviews at the end of this chapter. ^^ I'm workin' hard on this, despite the fact that I have no real clue as to where it's going. But oh well. 

Warning: None really. I'm warning for the lack of there being a warning. 

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Four

Sanosuke could sense something was wrong the second Kenshin smiled at him at the market. It was missing something—that normal shine that Kenshin's eyes held was gone, replaced with a more piercing, frightening look. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but decided against it. He knew better than to ask. But he couldn't help but to glance over at Kenshin every once in a while to see what his friend might be thinking.

Kenshin's eyes flickered between amethyst and blue. It might have been the trick of the light, which Sanosuke was hoping it was, but when Kenshin's eyes were blue, didn't that mean he was between the transition from wanderer to manslayer? Was Battousai fighting for control again already?

No, something told Sanosuke it was something other than that. If Battousai was trying to gain control he would have won it by now, Sanosuke understood that much. Something had to have been bothering Kenshin. The older man's shoulders were stiff, no where near as relaxed as they were when they left the Dojo not even fifteen minutes ago. Kenshin was on alert for something, and for what Sanosuke didn't really want to know. He wanted to tell Kenshin that everything was fine, but his mouth wouldn't open.

And then there was always that smile…Kenshin tried to hide his unease with it, even though Sanosuke could see through it as if it were clearer than glass. Seeing Kenshin uneasy made him uneasy, though the ex-gangster would never admit the fact out loud to Kenshin. There were so many things he would never admit out loud to Kenshin, now that he thought about it. 

"Sanosuke." 

Sanosuke looked up from the ground upon hearing Kenshin's voice, wary of the tone. "Yes?"

"Someone is watching us."

Blinking, Sanosuke looked towards Kenshin, noticing that the blue of Kenshin's eyes was fading into a lighter, golden shade. "…Battousai? I thought you said you weren't going to take control?" Sanosuke growled, trying to hide how badly he was shaken.

"I only wanted to warn you. Kenshin didn't want to worry you, but I felt you had to know," was all that Battousai said, turning towards Sanosuke, his eyes amber and then flashing back to amethyst. Slowly, Kenshin blinked, raising an eyebrow at Sanosuke. "What is it?"

Sanosuke shook his head. "It's nothing, Kenshin," he whispered, smiling. Now it was his turn to get rid of the unease that settled between them. 

"Don't, 'it's nothing,' me, Sano," Kenshin muttered. "Did Battousai take over? I've never seen you look at me like that before…"

Sanosuke sighed. He should have known he'd never be able to hide anything from Kenshin. "He told me that…we were being watched."

"That we are," Kenshin said, sighing himself. "Sano…have you noticed how Battousai…isn't just a murderer?" 

"Can we talk about that later, Kenshin?" Sanosuke sighed, carrying the tofu carefully. "I mean, I have noticed, but…now isn't the time to be talking about him, right?" Kenshin looked away when Sanosuke glanced over at him. "Why?"

"Because he may be able to leave the life of a manslayer if led in the right direction, Sano," Kenshin whispered. "I think he may have grown attached to you."

Sanosuke shook his head, then glanced at Kenshin. "Say that again?"

"I think he—well, he appears to have taken a liking towards you, Sano," Kenshin responded, a faint blush creeping its way along his cheeks. "He may deny it every time he talks about you to me, but I know him well, that I do."

Smirking, Sanosuke looked away. "Well, he knows who I'm interested in…"

Kenshin nodded, although Sanosuke could see a flash of disappointment in his eyes. "He's been lonely."

"Why are you telling me this, Kenshin?" Sanosuke asked finally. "If we're being watched shouldn't you be more careful about what you say about your—your other half?"

"You're right, Sanosuke, I should remain quiet," Kenshin sighed. "Though, the feeling of being watched isn't as threatening as it could be, considering who I think is following us."

"Is it someone strong?"

Kenshin nodded. "Soujiro Seta," he answered without hesitation. "I felt his eyes on me while we were in the market. But his presence doesn't pose a threat to us just yet, Sano, so you shouldn't worry, that you shouldn't." 

"Battousai's worrying, however, isn't he?" Sanosuke dared to ask.

"Battousai's never been able to trust anyone who's crossed swords with us in the past, Sano," Kenshin sighed. "So of course he's worried."

"…Does that mean he doesn't trust me? I did fight you, remember?" Sanosuke asked softly.

"I believe he trusts you. You've gained his trust, somehow… What did you and Battousai talk about when he tried to take over last week?" 

Sanosuke had been wondering when Kenshin would dare to ask him that. Sighing, he just smiled at Kenshin. "He wanted to make sure that you were still the same to me, Kenshin," he whispered.

"Am I?"

"Of course you are. You've never changed, to me," Sanosuke responded, smiling. He knew he should mention that Battousai made him realize how much he cared for Kenshin, but decided against saying anything about it. He felt—maybe even somewhat knew—that Kenshin wouldn't want to know of his feelings just yet. 

"He also wanted you to take care of me, didn't he?"

Sanosuke's steps faltered and he nearly tripped over nothing, but he caught himself in time and glanced down at the tofu, sighing in relief when he noticed it didn't break. Kenshin glanced at him, half out of worry and half out of sheer amusement, his eyes clearly saying, "I was right, wasn't I?" Sanosuke just scoffed and turned his head away, blushing. "You can take care of yourself, Kenshin. Even if he wanted me to take care of you I wouldn't be much help."

"You'd be more help than you think, Sano," Kenshin responded, his voice unusually soft. It was soft enough that Sanosuke had to strain to hear it, and hearing it caused him to look over at Kenshin. Kenshin smiled at him, a sad, almost teary smile, his eyes filled with a pain that Sanosuke never noticed was there before. "I'm glad that you came along with me today to the market. I know you were going out of your way."

"It's nothing, Kenshin. You need someone to help out around the Dojo now, anyway," Sanosuke whispered. 

"But you were going to visit your friend Tsunan, weren't you?" Kenshin asked.

"Tsunan…? Oh! You mean Katsu." Sanosuke turned and smiled at Kenshin. "That moron can wait for me to visit. If he wants to see me so bad he'll find me. I have to make sure you're okay…"

Kenshin nodded. "I'll be fine, Sano, you said so yourself. As long as I know I have someone to support me…"

Sanosuke blushed slightly at that, turning away from Kenshin. "I'll always be here for you, you know."

"I know…. Battousai didn't make you promise that you would, did he? Because if he did, he's over stepping his boundaries, that he is…" Kenshin muttered, sighing. 

"He was only concerned about you, Kenshin. He wanted to make sure I understood what I was getting into," Sanosuke said, smiling at Kenshin. "Don't worry, I would have said that I'd be here for you even if he hadn't made me promise."

"Oro?" Kenshin looked up at Sanosuke, his cheeks a shade of pink Sanosuke wasn't accustomed to seeing there. "What do you mean, Sano?"

Sanosuke just smiled at Kenshin, a bit nervously, before focusing his attention on the street again, being careful not to trip over anything. Kenshin was becoming a distraction—a welcome and adorably cute one, but a distraction all the same. He felt Kenshin move closer to him, close enough that their arms brushed every once in a while and blushed. Did Kenshin know? Did Battousai tell him?

"You don't have to be afraid to tell me, Sano, I won't break into pieces. I've gotten over Kaoru-dono's death, that I have. And Battousai is behaving himself, for the most part. Except…"

"Except what, Kenshin?" Sanosuke kept his eyes trailed in front of him, almost afraid of what he would see in Kenshin's eyes. 

"He claims he knows who you're in love with, and is constantly asking me if I know," Kenshin responded without hesitation.

"Do you know?" Sanosuke cursed at how high his voice jumped as he asked that question. So he was nervous, damnit, but if Kenshin knew…then he wouldn't have to say anything, right?

"No."

Relief flashed through him and his grip relaxed a bit on the bucket of tofu. "Do you want to know?"

"I told Battousai the same thing I'm going to tell you. If you want me to know who you love, you will tell me, that you will. So whether I want to know or not, what matters is if you want to tell me. Now, Sano, do you want to tell me?"

Did he want to tell Kenshin yet? Sanosuke shook his head before he even thought about it. He didn't want to trouble Kenshin with his feelings just yet. He could wait to tell Kenshin, and he somewhat knew that Battousai wouldn't tell Kenshin without Sanosuke's permission, so he was comfortable with Kenshin's other half knowing about his feelings. 

"I figured you didn't want to tell me," Kenshin responded. Was that…remorse he heard in Kenshin's tone? He must have imagined it. "…Is it Tsunan?"

"No! There's no way in hell I'd be in love with that moron, Kenshin!" Sanosuke shrieked, glaring at Kenshin. Kenshin chuckled softly to himself, smiling at Sanosuke. Flushing in embarrassment, Sanosuke looked away from his shorter companion, sighing. "I thought you said you didn't want to know?"

"I never said that I didn't want to know, that I most certainly did not," Kenshin responded, walking ahead of Sanosuke, turning around so he could smile at him. "That and I wanted to see what kind of reaction I'd get from you if I asked."

Sanosuke muttered curses quietly to himself, looking away from Kenshin, praying that the warmth would leave his cheeks sometime soon. "That wasn't fair of you, Kenshin," Sanosuke muttered. Then he got an idea. Slowly, he grinned at Kenshin.

"Oro? Why are you smiling at me like that, Sano?"

"Do you love anyone, Kenshin?"

"Oro!" Kenshin turned around, crossing his arms over his chest as best as he could as he continued to carry the vegetables he had purchased. "What kind of question is that, Sano?"

"You wanted to know who I loved—it just seemed like you wanted to know a little too much," Sanosuke responded, shrugging his shoulders even though Kenshin couldn't see it. He easily caught up with Kenshin and began walking next to him again. "How much longer to the Dojo? Carrying this is starting to get on my nerves."

"We're at the Dojo," Kenshin responded, smirking at Sanosuke. He opened the gate and walked inside, Sanosuke following as they headed towards the back. Sanosuke noticed that Kenshin's shoulders lost their stiffness when he saw Yahiko relaxing on the porch, his practice over for that day. 

"I was wondering when the two of you would get back. And oi, Sanosuke, I thought I'd _never_ see you carrying a bucket of tofu! It's about time you started doing something around here. You lazy cheapskate," Yahiko muttered. Sanosuke just rolled his eyes at him, hiding his smirk. "Guess Kenshin has you whipped, doesn't he, Sanosuke?"

Sanosuke resisted the urge to throw the bucket at Yahiko's head, setting it down inside the kitchen where Kenshin could reach it. As Kenshin walked by Yahiko, Sanosuke noted with a small amount of satisfaction, he hit Yahiko over the head with the sheath of his sakabato, and didn't mutter any apologies. Well, Kenshin just took care of his revenge for him. 

"Oi! Kenshin, when's dinner going to be done? I'm starving!" Yahiko called out to him, rubbing his head.

"Kenshin, should we let Yahiko eat tonight?"

"Sano! Don't play with him like that. He's a growing boy, he needs his energy, that he does," Kenshin called back, poking his head outside, smiling at Sanosuke. The smile faded, instantly, at the knock towards the front of the Dojo.

Sanosuke noticed the look in Kenshin's eyes before he turned away to answer. Yahiko just looked at Sanosuke as he sighed and sat down next to Yahiko. "What's wrong with Kenshin? He looked scared for some reason."

"I don't know, Yahiko," Sanosuke answered, smiling at Yahiko in order to reassure the boy. Yahiko just looked out over the yard. The truth was Sanosuke was pretty sure he knew what was wrong. The one who knocked on the door must have been Soujiro Seta; he was sure of it. And as much as he wanted to go see if Kenshin was alright, he had a feeling that Kenshin would be able to handle it.

He hoped, anyway.


	5. Soujiro's Here for a Visit

AN: Sorry for the delay. School kicked in and doing work for honors classes takes a lot of time off of my schedule. I do realize that I must finish this before any of you awaiting fans decided to kill me.

Remember: /…./ indicated that either Kenshin or Battousai is speaking, depending on who has "control" of the body.

Warnings: Hints of shounen ai, becoming less implied. Possible Kenshin angst if my muses don't get sidetracked again.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. But I wish I did. 

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Five

"Sano! Don't play with him like that. He's a growing boy, he needs his energy, that he does," Kenshin called out, ignoring Battousai as best as he can. 

/He's here./ 

Three sharp knocks at the front gate made Kenshin frown. Slowly, he turned his head in the direction towards the front of the Dojo, and sure enough he could sense Soujiro's presence by the door. Kenshin didn't turn back around; he had seen the worried expression on Sanosuke's face and didn't want to deal with his questions just yet. Without a second thought he went to answer it, Battousai growing restless with every step towards the door.

/Let me take over. This is suspicious—no enemy of yours would come to the front door unless they wanted something./ 

"If he wanted something," Kenshin muttered to Battousai, "he wouldn't have watched me and Sano walk home, and would have done something to Yahiko, that he would. And Saitou came to the front door."

/Saitou's different, Kenshin, and you know it./ 

Kenshin kept his mouth shut and sighed through his nose, hoping that Battousai would just leave him be. Soujiro was waiting for him at the door, after all, and he had to be polite to any visitor, despite what relation he had with them in the past. So what if Soujiro was once his enemy—people can change, right?

/We haven't changed./ 

"_You_ haven't changed," Kenshin whispered, standing in front of the door. And if people can change—because they wanted to change, then Soujiro might possibly not pose a threat. Nodding to himself, Kenshin opened the door and was instantly greeted with a tired smile.

"Good afternoon, Himura-san. Long time no see," Soujiro said, tilting his head slightly, his smile strengthening just a bit.

Kenshin nodded, narrowing his eyes at Soujiro for a second. "Soujiro. Nice to see you," he responded, his voice a bit stiff. He cleared his throat a bit before asking, "What do you want? It's not usual for me to get a guest like you."

"You're willing to call me a guest?" The surprise was obvious, even if Soujiro attempted to hide it with his smile. Soujiro glanced down at the ground before looking back at Kenshin. "May I come in, Himura-san? I've been wandering for quite some time and I would like to take a rest."

"There are other places where you can stay," Battousai muttered, narrowing his eyes. "Why here?"

Soujiro's smiling face faltered as he blinked in surprise at the change of tone. "…I—I don't know. I guess I wanted to see you again, Himura-san."

Battousai left his eyes narrowed, studying Soujiro before sighing. He couldn't sense any hatred, any anger from the young man before him. It was almost as if…he had no feelings. /It's because he doesn't have any,/ Kenshin whispered, /Give me back control. Soujiro will notice the change!/ Battousai nodded to Soujiro, moving out of the way and allowing the young man inside the Dojo, watching his every move carefully. He ignored Kenshin's soft pleas to have control again and continued on, showing Soujiro where he would be staying.

"I will only be here for a week, Himura-san. I do not wish to trouble you," Soujiro said softly, his smile fading just slightly. "I'm afraid that I will only cause you and your friends trouble if I stay here."

"Why do you say that?" Battousai grunted, trying to keep his tone friendly enough to pull off sounding like his soft counterpart. Soujiro blinked at him, studying him for a moment, before shaking his head. 

"There are still people out there who would like to see me dead, Himura-san," Soujiro responded, shrugging. "I'm sure there are plenty of people out for you, as well. How do you manage to stay out of harm's way?"

"I just started to manage staying out of harm's way," Battousai whispered. He was bored with Kenshin's low life style. He wanted to be back in the action, wanted to be fighting again. But…Kenshin had grown attached to a group of people and refused to leave them. Battousai couldn't fight his other half when his other half was so determined to try and have a normal life. And Sanosuke…Sanosuke was becoming a problem.

Battousai gave himself a little shake. "I was just about to make dinner. Please, Soujiro, make yourself comfortable. I'm going to go check up on Yahiko and Sanosuke to make sure they haven't killed each other yet." /You can't cook, Battousai. Let me take control. Sanosuke would notice if you were in control./

"I hate how much you want to protect that insufferable boy," Battousai muttered, sighing as he made his way towards the back. He knew Soujiro had heard him, but the young man didn't question him, so therefor he made no effort to explain. Soujiro would find out soon enough that the man who had just let him stay was not Kenshin. 

/Damnit, Battousai! Soujiro is harmless at the moment! Give me back control right this instant!/ 

"Why should I?" Battousai responded. "I want to get to know Sanosuke better, to see if he'll be worthy of our protection."

/He's strong enough to take care of himself, Battousai. There are times where he may need help, but…Sano can take care of himself, that he can. Please…please, don't make him worry about me./ 

"Why should he worry about you?" 

/Because he cares about me, that he does. If he sees that you're in charge, he'll think something is wrong, that he will./ 

"Then I will tell him that nothing is wrong. That we're taking a precaution and that he should not worry. That you'll have control once Soujiro is gone," Battousai bargained. "I can't let you have control of our body while he is here. I don't trust Soujiro. I want to keep an eye on him." 

/You're just as stubborn as ever, aren't you?/ 

Battousai smirked and found Sanosuke sitting down upon the deck, his legs stretched out ahead of him as he sat, watching Yahiko practice peacefully. Intently, Battousai watched as Yahiko continued his downward stroke, noticing that the boy had some skill. Without even turning around, Sanosuke whispered, "Is he considered a threat?"

Battousai took a moment before realizing whom Sanosuke was asking about. "I'm not sure," he whispered back, trying to keep his voice the same tone as Kenshin's usually was, "however, I'm going to keep an eye on him."

"Figures you would, Battousai," Sanosuke muttered, sighing. Finally Sanosuke turned his head towards Battousai, smiling, his expression cynical. Battousai blinked at him. "Do you really think that Kenshin can't handle protecting us?"

Battousai scowled, turned away and headed inside to the kitchen. He heard Sanosuke's heavy footsteps behind him and sighed. Was the boy expecting an answer from him? "Kenshin is unable to take a life for those he cares about," Battousai muttered finally, carefully picking up the kitchen knife, studying the carrot and wondering, just briefly, how Kenshin managed to do this every night. 

"So? He can still protect us. He has before," Sanosuke muttered in response, reaching a hand out and taking the knife from Battousai. "I don't trust you with this."

Battousai stared at Sanosuke in disbelief and took the knife back without hesitation. "I'm not the bloodthirsty killer you think I am," Battousai said, cutting up the carrot with precision, with such ease that Kenshin even envied. 

"Then what are you?" Sanosuke countered, leaning against the wall. 

Battousai remained silent, scurrying and cooking dinner without a second thought. Kenshin was probably helping him subconsciously with his decisions in the food making, but he didn't mind so much. He didn't want to disappoint Sanosuke's hope for what dinner would be like. Sanosuke stood in his path back to the counter and Battousai scowled up at him. Slowly, Sanosuke took the vegetables out of Battousai's hands and grasped Battousai's fingers lightly.

Battousai's scowl left him for a brief second, shock scurrying across his face before he went and scowled at Sanosuke again. "What do you think you're doing?" he growled, pulling away from Sanosuke, not even looking up at him. 

"You didn't answer my question," Sanosuke stated, grabbing Battousai by the arm, holding him in place. 

"I could throw you off of me if I wanted to, Sanosuke. I suggest you let go of me," Battousai muttered, shrugging away from Sanosuke's touch. "And the reason why I haven't answered your question is because I have never been able to become much more than a killer. Kenshin fears that's all I will be…and doesn't give me a chance to prove otherwise."

/You trust him…And you never asked for a chance to prove otherwise. You always came out whenever I needed your help to defeat someone./ 

Battousai's eyes widened briefly before shaking his head at Kenshin. "I've asked…" he whispered.

/I don't remember you asking, that I don't. 

Sanosuke stopped Battousai again, staring down at him worriedly. "Battousai, how long will you remain in control? Yahiko will notice soon that it isn't Kenshin who's in charge…"

Battousai looked up at Sanosuke, seeing the soft worry in the boy's eyes. Turning away, he finished with the vegetables and began preparing the rest of the dinner. "For as long as Soujiro remains here," he answered, not looking up at Sanosuke again.

"Himura-san, something smells good in here. What're you making?"

Battousai turned to face Soujiro expectantly, muttered what he was making, and went back to work. He noticed that Sanosuke was standing stiffly next to him and he nudged the boy with an elbow. "Have you made yourself comfortable, Soujiro? And please, you don't have to be so formal," Battousai said softly, slipping his tone into a comfortable one. Sanosuke blinked at him.

"It would seem impolite of me if I called you Kenshin, Himura-san," Soujiro responded, smiling at him. "Who's your friend?"

"He's—"

"Sagara Sanosuke," Sanosuke interrupted, glancing at Battousai briefly.

Soujiro blinked, then smiled again. "Sagara-san, who's the boy outside? I've been watching him practice…. He seems to be pretty good."

"That's Yahiko," Sanosuke answered.

"He was the first apprentice of Kamiya Kaoru. Sadly, she passed away not too long ago," Battousai whispered, feeling very little regret. 

"Was she a close friend of yours?" Soujiro asked. Battousai winced and Kenshin sighed.

"A very close friend."

"How did she die?"

Sanosuke growled and stormed out of the kitchen. Battousai watched him leave before sighing himself. "Ken—I killed her. On accident," he whispered.

"Oh. I see, Himura-san. You must be really upset."

Battousai decided it was best not to respond to that, and he felt Kenshin give up his itching for control. Good. He had gotten his other half to quiet down. Now…if only he could get Sanosuke to realize that he and Kenshin weren't really that different…

That wouldn't be a problem, Battousai thought, if it weren't for the fact that Sanosuke was already in love with Kenshin. But why would that matter so much to him? Battousai shrugged to himself and continued with his cooking. That was a matter he'd have to look into later. Right now, he had to keep an eye on Soujiro. That's what was important right now. 


	6. Battousai Wants to Protect, Not Kill?

AN: Ahh…I love no school. I can get fics out a bit faster now. ^_^ Yay.

Disclaimer: Must I keep saying this? You guys know the drill.

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Six

Sanosuke could sense that Battousai was getting frustrated. It had only been two days after Soujiro had arrived at the Dojo, looking for a place to stay, but Battousai couldn't continue his act for long. If he remained acting just how Kenshin would much longer, Sanosuke knew that he would go insane. 

"When are you just going to give up and let Kenshin have control?" Sanosuke asked that evening as Battousai walked out of his room. He leaned against the wall opposite to Battousai and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Soujiro isn't going to do anything."

Battousai only looked up at Sanosuke, his eyes as devoid of emotion as usual. Sanosuke suppressed the urge to shiver under that gaze. There was something about it that made Sanosuke feel like every part of his soul was being read and committed to memory. He didn't like it. "I still want to make sure that he won't hurt you or Yahiko."

"What about yourself?" 

The question, Sanosuke realized, seemed to catch Battousai off guard. He hesitated slightly as he shut the door to Kenshin's room before he looked back up at Sanosuke. "My life is meaningless."

"Kenshin wouldn't want you to throw your lives away for us," Sanosuke countered.

Battousai just smiled sadly and shook his head. "Kenshin only lives on because it's his answer for atonement. He'd gladly give up his life if it meant another person's happiness."

"But it wouldn't make me happy, and you know it. So many people would be upset if Kenshin were to die because you carelessly threw his life away with yours, Battousai," Sanosuke responded. 

"If you don't want to give away your feelings, Sanosuke, I suggest you close your mouth. I must go see if Soujiro is still in his room," Battousai muttered, pushing past Sanosuke and walking down the hall. Sanosuke watched him for a few moments before following him.

"What did you mean by that?" Sanosuke growled, catching up to Battousai quickly.

Battousai glared at him. "Kenshin can hear our conversation, Sanosuke."

Sanosuke stopped, backing away slightly from Battousai's glare. "A-And that's a bad thing?"

The burning hatred in Battousai's eyes seemed to be smothered, and he dropped his gaze. Usually Battousai's shoulders were tense, but they sloped slightly as he looked away. "You really do love Kenshin, don't you?" It was a breath, not even a whisper. Sanosuke never thought he would hear such a desperate tone out of Battousai, but here it was. Even his eyes had lost their normal glare.

"I…yes, I do," Sanosuke responded. Battousai closed his eyes upon hearing that. "Why? You knew that. Why did you have to ask?"

Battousai's eyes opened, and Sanosuke thought he saw pain. Usually they were so devoid of emotion…why was there a sign of feeling now? "And you'll only love him, won't you? Kenshin heard you say that you love him; he knows now."

Sanosuke stayed where he was, watching as conflicting emotions scattered along Battousai's eyes. "So…so he knows. He was going to find out eventually, anyway." Battousai only managed a nod. "But…you don't seem happy that he knows." At that, Battousai turned away and crossed his arms. "In fact, you look…disappointed to hear that I love him."

"Because it's always him that everyone falls for."

Jealousy? Was that really what he heard in Battousai's tone just then? "Is Hitokiri Battousai getting jealous?"

"How can I be jealous if I'm the heartless bastard everyone thinks I am?" As much as Sanosuke didn't want to admit it, that stung. "If I'm heartless, that means I'm emotionless, right? And if I'm emotionless, how can I even feel what jealousy is?"

"But you are jealous," Sanosuke whispered, taking a step towards Battousai. "And you're not a heartless bastard, Battousai. If you were, well…you would have killed Soujiro. You would have gone against Kenshin's wishes, against his want to remain a wanderer and nothing more."

"Is that so…?" Battousai laughed bitterly, turning to glare full force at Sanosuke. "Maybe Kenshin has enough control over me that I _can't_ lift my sword and run it through Soujiro. You don't understand anything Sanosuke, so don't try to figure everything out about me."

"But I want to…" 

The glare softened a bit. "What?" Battousai growled. "You _want_ to understand everything about me?"

"Well…you and Kenshin are alike in a lot of ways I don't know, right?" Sanosuke muttered carefully. Battousai continued to glare at him. "Maybe you don't like killing just as much as he does… Maybe you always hated it, but you couldn't find it in you to stop while Kenshin had. Maybe he was only created by you so you could make Tomoe happy…"

"…He was always here," Battousai admitted, a sigh escaping his lips. "It was me who came second. I was created during the revolution, so that he could keep killing. I had control and he was asleep for years until Tomoe came into our lives. She…she meant everything to us."

"But she fell for Kenshin, not the Battousai," Sanosuke mumbled, "right?" The hurt look increased and Battousai looked away again; his shoulders slumped in defeat. Rarely would he have thought he was right, but at the moment, Sanosuke knew he was. He took a hesitant step towards Battousai, and Battousai tensed, his hand reaching for the hilt of his sakabato. "And you loved her first?"

"I saw her first…and didn't realize I loved her until Kenshin had taken control again. But I was the one who killed her—you know that," Battousai whispered. "Kenshin was able to be happy. He had gotten her to himself."

"While you felt that you were unloved…right?" 

"Who could love me? I'm a heartless killer—a creation of the revolution who can't put down the sword. Kenshin can, he just won't because he needs it to protect those he loves. Me…I kill those I want to protect," Battousai whispered. "Which is why I want to push you and Yahiko away from me. I don't want Kenshin to be upset…most of all, I don't want to lose two important people in my life." 

Sanosuke stared at Battousai's back, eyes wide. "You…?"

"Yes. I care about you and Yahiko." Battousai turned around and smiled sadly at Sanosuke, taking the last two steps to close the distance between them. He turned his gaze upwards and continued to smile at Sanosuke with that sad smile. "Did you think I was protecting you because Kenshin wanted me to?"

"Well…yeah," Sanosuke admitted. "It would have made sense. Though…if you kill those you want to protect…why are you protecting us?" 

"I'm attempting to become what Kenshin has become. I want to atone for my sins just as much as he's been trying to atone for them for me," Battousai said, looking away from Sanosuke's eyes. "It wasn't until he had met you did I decide that I needed to change…to cross the boundary that kept Kenshin and I separate."

"You…you two can become one?" Sanosuke breathed, lightly grabbing Battousai's chin, turning Battousai's head so they could look each other in the eye. Battousai's golden eyes shined with something, then he pulled away.

"But I doubt you'd want that to happen," Battousai responded. "After all, I might taint your precious little Kenshin if we ever were to become one." His bitterness dripped into his tone, and Sanosuke suspected there was more to this than he thought.

"I told him that he would be the same to me no matter what happened," Sanosuke said truthfully, grabbing Battousai's shoulders. "If you and him become one…he's still Kenshin. You'll be Kenshin, too. Do you want that? Do you really, honestly want to be Kenshin?"

Battousai brushed Sanosuke's hands off his shoulders, sighing. "What I want doesn't really matter anymore. It'll be the best for the both of us, if I were to become one with him. He'll be at ease with himself. Don't you want _that_, Sanosuke?"

"I want Kenshin to be happy," Sanosuke responded. "And…since you're really just another side to Kenshin, I want you to be happy, as well." 

Strong but thin arms encircled him, squeezing Sanosuke to the point where he almost couldn't breathe. "I…Sanosuke…" Blinking, it took Sanosuke a moment to realize that those strong arms belonged to Battousai, and that it was Battousai who was resting his head on Sanosuke's chest. Without thinking, Sanosuke hugged Battousai back, confused. "Thank you," Battousai breathed, "to know that even one person out there could even _wish_ for Hitokiri Battousai to be happy—and not just Kenshin—that means a lot to me."

Sanosuke just stood there, continuing to hold Battousai, still confused. Why did Battousai react that way…? "You're…you're welcome, Battousai," he whispered back, managing to shake off some of his confusion. Battousai sighed against his chest, loosing his hold on Sanosuke. "But…why did you…?"

"Why did I hug you?" Battousai finished for Sanosuke, pulling away from him completely. His golden eyes were lighter, somehow, and Sanosuke could finally see something other than pain or anger in his eyes. "Isn't that what a person is supposed to do to someone who's made them happy?" 

"Well, you didn't have to _hug_ me to show me that you were happy," Sanosuke said, smiling nervously. 

Battousai smirked. "Would you have preferred it if I had kissed you?"

The question was definitely not innocent, and Sanosuke glared at Battousai, ignoring the burning sensation in his cheeks. Damnit, he didn't want to blush just then. "The hug did just fine," he muttered, crossing his arms. "Battousai…can I—talk to Kenshin, please?"

The lightness to Battousai's eyes dimmed again as he turned away from Sanosuke. "I should have realized you'd ask to speak with him. You'll be able to speak with him after Soujiro leaves. I'll give him back control, then."

"Why can't you just let him have control?" Sanosuke muttered, watching as Battousai continued on his way to Soujiro's room. "Soujiro isn't going to do anything."

"Soujiro might not do anything," Battousai muttered, turning his head so he glanced at Sanosuke over his shoulder; his eyes were covered in shadows, "but we don't know if anyone else might try to come and attack him. In case that were to happen, I want to be able to protect you and Yahiko."

Sanosuke blinked at that, shrugged, and turned to go back to his room. He stopped. "So…" he called out cautiously. He heard Battousai's steps slow. "You're protecting Soujiro as well?"

"If it comes to that, yes, I am protecting him."

"But wasn't he once your enemy?" 

"Just because he was once my enemy, Sanosuke, doesn't mean that I won't protect him if he needs to be protected. But, knowing how strong Soujiro was when we dueled a while back, he can probably protect himself," Battousai explained slowly. 

"You've sensed that someone's been watching him, haven't you?" Sanosuke asked, turning around completely. Battousai's shoulders were tense again, and his hand was on the hilt of his sakabato. "That's why you've gone to his room every night! To make sure that whoever is watching him doesn't attack him!"

"Believe what you want, Sanosuke, I'm not going to answer you," Battousai muttered. "Please, let me go check on Soujiro. I'll let you talk to Kenshin tomorrow. He really wants to speak to you about how you feel about him."

Sanosuke's heart did a dive into his stomach. "Shit…" he muttered. "He really did hear me…?"

"Of course he did," Battousai snorted. "I wouldn't have lied to you about that. Really, Sanosuke, you can be so dense sometimes…but really, you should get some sleep before you talk to him. I have a feeling it will be a lengthy conversation."

"When does he want to speak with me?" Sanosuke asked, his mouth suddenly dry. If Kenshin knew that he loved him…how would he react? Would he close up on him again? Would he try to push Sanosuke away just as he had Kaoru?

"I don't know when, but it's best you don't ask questions about it. He'll probably wake you up when he's ready to speak with you." And with that said, Battousai continued his way to Soujiro's room quietly, leaving Sanosuke in the middle of the hallway by himself. Sighing, Sanosuke stuffed his hands in his pockets, turned around, and headed back to his room. He decided that it would just be best if he listened to Battousai's advice for once.

Hopefully the conversation between him and Kenshin would go better than Battousai was hinting that it would. 


	7. A Few Hours With Control

AN: Well, I'm back from vacation…and I have a new chapter for you guys! Woo! XD For those of you who think that Battousai is beginning to get OOC…he's also changing during the course of this fic, so he'll end up OOC for what he's like in the series…but, if given the chance, this is how I think he'd develop in the series. ^^;; 

Warnings: Sap. Actually, no, it's not as much sap as this could have been… Shounen ai, folks! 

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Seven

Kenshin blinked when he was finally given back control, finding himself sitting in the center of his room, his sakabato resting comfortably against his shoulder. He didn't actually expect Battousai to let him have control.

/It's only so you can speak to Sanosuke, Kenshin. You know that,/ Battousai whispered. /He's worried about you, anyway./

Kenshin sighed and nodded, though he knew Battousai wasn't paying any more attention to him. He sighed again and placed his sakabato on the floor beside him. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember the conversation his other half had had with Sanosuke that night. He knew Sanosuke had meant it when he said that he loved Kenshin, but it was just Battousai's reaction that had bothered him. Was he really…jealous of Kenshin? Was Battousai truly capable of feeling such at trivial emotion?

"But why would he be jealous?" Kenshin asked himself, standing up. "He may seem to be fond of Sano, but it's just—not possible that he could have fallen for him, is it?" But Kenshin knew, deep down, that Battousai had fallen for the ex-fighter-for-hire. That would complicate things at the Kamiya Dojo, especially for Kenshin. Battousai wanted to become one with him, integrate their best and worst qualities—but did he want that truly for Kenshin's benefit or for his own? Did Kenshin really want to become one with the once cold-hearted murderer inside of him?

Sanosuke had said that Kenshin would be the same to him; that he wouldn't think of Kenshin any different despite whatever may happen. And that appeared to include what Kenshin would become if he and Battousai truly became one again. Battousai's intentions when it came to doing so seemed to be good ones. Maybe he wanted to do so because Sanosuke loved Kenshin, and he wanted to be on with Kenshin so Sanosuke could love him, as well….

But, Kenshin realized slowly, crossing his arms in thought, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, for him and Battousai to truly combine. They would always be separate, even in the tiniest ways, and Sanosuke (or anyone close to Kenshin and his other half) would notice when one or the other was more dominate, even though they would be so similar that there wouldn't appear to be a difference. Hopefully Battousai wasn't going to be half-assed about this sudden want to combine.

/Stop worrying about my integrity, Kenshin. I realized it would be best if we were to become one./

"And how would it be for the best?" Kenshin muttered aloud, leaving his arms crossed.

/We could protect those we love more efficiently. You wouldn't have to worry about me taking over at the incorrect times and hurt those we love. If…If we had never separated in the first place; if you never allowed me to create myself separate from you…we never would have lost Tomoe, or Kaoru./

Kenshin sighed and uncrossed his arms. "I do not doubt that, Battousai, that I most certainly don't…but would we have ever met such wonderful people like Kaoru-dono, Yahiko, and Sanosuke?"

/Tomoe would have let us wander around the country if we were doing so to atone for our—I mean, _my_ sins. We could have met them. But Tomoe is part of the past, Kenshin. We can't keep living in the past. If we work to become one now…we'll be able to be happy. And that's what Sanosuke wants./

Kenshin managed a small smirk. "So you'll admit that Sano's wants and needs are important, will you?" he asked.

He could just _feel_ the glare Battousai would have given him before he felt his other half sigh. /Sanosuke _has_ grown on me, Kenshin. But he loves you; just as Tomoe loved you, not me./

"Tomoe loved us both, Battousai. Sano could grow to love you as well, if that is what you want," Kenshin responded with a small smile. "Do you want me to ask him if he could ever love you like he loves me when I go speak with him?" Battousai was silent, and then:

/He could never love me once he has you. He'll be content and will want _nothing_ to do with me./

"Sano is different than Kaoru-dono, Battousai," Kenshin pointed out as a pang of guilt and sadness in his heart made itself known, "he is more open-minded and will probably grow fond of you, as well."

Battousai sighed. /Fine. Ask him if you want to, but I doubt he'd ever consider it. Speaking of Sanosuke, shouldn't you go speak with him now?/

Kenshin glanced outside, noticed the position the sun was in, and nodded. "He should be waking up now… Battousai?"

/What is it?/

"Thank you for allowing me to speak with Sano. You know how much that means to me, that you do," Kenshin whispered.

/You're welcome,/ Battousai muttered grudgingly, causing Kenshin to smile to himself. Slowly he pulled himself off the floor, dusted himself off, and grabbed his sakabato, putting it where it belonged. Battousai would be mad at him if he were to leave his room without his sword. One day, Kenshin hoped, they would both be able to live without a sword attached to their hips. Until that day, Kenshin knew, he would have to wear it.

"Kenshin! You're up!" Yahiko cried as Kenshin walked out of his room. "I was just gonna come get you! Soujiro made breakfast already. WE thought you and Sano weren't gonna get up."

Kenshin smiled warmly at Yahiko. "Well, I'm sure Sano is still sleeping, that I am, so go wake him up, will you?"

Yahiko grinned, an evil glint in his eye. "This is gonna be fun," he cackled as he walked off towards Sanosuke's room. Kenshin's smiled softened as he turned towards the dining area of the Dojo. 

Soujiro was sitting calmly at the table, his smile still permanently on his face. "Good morning, Himura-san. Did you sleep well?" he asked cheerfully. 

Kenshin sat across from him. "I could have slept better," he responded, his smile still in place. "How was your night?"

Soujiro looked vaguely surprised before he shook his head. "Like you, my night could have been better."

"DAMNIT, YAHIKO!"

Kenshin suppressed a snicker as Yahiko dragged Sanosuke into the room by his feet. Yahiko was cackling as he let go of Sanosuke and ran behind Kenshin for protection. Sanosuke sat up, rubbing the back of his head, wincing every now and then as he glared at Yahiko. "That _hurt_, you wise-ass," Sanosuke muttered.

Yahiko snickered and took a seat next to Soujiro, grabbing a dish and a pair of chopsticks. "Kenshin told me to wake you up."

Sanosuke glared at Kenshin before his eyes widened in shock. Kenshin managed a small, apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Sano. I didn't realize he'd drag you into here in order to wake you up, that I did not," was his sheepish reply.

Sanosuke waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry 'bout it, Kenshin…" he muttered, muffling a yawn as he did so. He grabbed a dish and began picking the food and rice he wanted. "Who made breakfast?"

"Soujiro did," Kenshin answered, deciding to try a bite of the food. He _had_ been hungry. To his surprise, the food was rather good. Yahiko and Sanosuke were digging in while Kenshin kept an eye on Soujiro. The young man was often difficult to read, but now there seemed to be some other emotions within him.

Kenshin glanced at Yahiko. The boy seemed to be all right. Finally, his gaze landed on Sanosuke, who was eating at a slower pace than Yahiko. He noticed how dark underneath his eyes were. Had he been staying up to keep an eye on Battousai, or had he been unable to sleep last night? Sanosuke glanc3ed at him, swallowing whatever he had in his mouth before muttering, "Are you alright, Kenshin? You haven't eaten that much."

Kenshin blinked at Sanosuke before smiling sheepishly, returning to his food. "I'm all right, Sano, that I am," he responded cheerfully, "I'm just not that hungry."

Sanosuke managed a small nod before offering what was left in his bowl to Yahiko. "Want it, brat?" he growled.

Yahiko stared up at Sanosuke warily. "Even if I wanted it, Sano, you wouldn't give me it, anyway."

"Now, now, you two. No fighting," Soujiro reprimanded, however his tone was too cheerful for Yahiko and Sanosuke to take him seriously.

Kenshin just shook his head. "Don't worry about it, Soujiro. They won't hurt each other." He blinked when Sanosuke's bowl was suddenly under his nose. "Oro?" he murmured, glancing at Sanosuke. Relief flashed in his eyes.

"Do you want it? You didn't get a lot of the food, Kenshin," Sanosuke responded, smiling at Kenshin. A soft blush appeared on Sanosuke's cheeks. "If you don't want it, I'd understand."

Kenshin smiled warmly at Sanosuke, reaching over to lightly pull the bowl out of Sanosuke's hands. Their fingertips brushed and that just made Sanosuke blush harder. "Thank you, Sano. Are you sure you don't want the rest of it?" Kenshin studied Sanosuke's facial expression, blushing slightly himself once Sanosuke nodded. He was so sweet.

/He never acts like that with me…and you think he could love me as much as he loves you?/ Kenshin blinked at Battousai before shaking his head. He wasn't going to have a conversation with him now. Slowly, Kenshin began eating what Sanosuke had offered him, taking his time. He wanted to enjoy the food before Battousai took over again. Somehow he was going to have to get Sanosuke alone. They needed to talk…but how to get Sanosuke alone without seeming rude?

"Kenshin…I want to talk to you after breakfast," Sanosuke muttered softly, excusing himself and heading off to his room.

Kenshin blinked, his chopsticks still in his mouth. "Alright," he agreed, turning back to his food. Why couldn't Sanosuke wait? The quicker they got around to talking, the sooner Battousai would have control. Did Sanosuke want that? Or was he desperate to hear Kenshin again? Kenshin shook his head lightly. It didn't matter; he couldn't delay their conversation just because he wanted to have control again.

Once Kenshin had finished he excused himself, thanking Soujiro for the meal as he did so. He turned to head off in the same direction as Sanosuke and was shocked to see him standing in the middle of the hallway, leaning against the wall.

"How long do you have until Battousai takes over again?" Sanosuke asked, not even looking up at Kenshin. Kenshin sighed.

"Not long, I'm afraid," he responded truthfully. "He'll probably take over again once we're talking, that he will."

"I see," Sanosuke muttered, turning to Kenshin. "You…heard me when I told him I—loved you, right?" he asked, his eyes wide.

Kenshin nodded. "And I believed you," he whispered. "Sanosuke…as much as I like you, as well, the chance that I'd allow myself to have a relationship is low. I do have feelings for you, Sano, it's just that I'm afraid you'll die just like Tomoe, that I am." 

"So…there's no chance you'd be willing to be with me?" Sanosuke asked, looking away.

"I'm sorry, Sano, I truly am, but…I've lost one lover, and I—well, Battousai and I—we killed her. I don't want the same to happen to you," Kenshin answered truthfully. "I realize that people like myself and Battousai are a danger to those we love. Already I'm putting you in danger because you're a friend of mine."

Sanosuke nodded, pushing himself off the wall. "Even so, Kenshin…maybe one day you won't be afraid to love me back…" he muttered, talking towards Kenshin. "Battousai wouldn't be afraid to, would he?"

"Battousai would not be afraid to love you back, but he wouldn't also be me, remember?" Kenshin reminded him softly. "Battousai doesn't understand what he feels anymore. He's been without a heart for so long he forgot how to use one, however… Sano, he's starting to use his again. You can help him—he already has an interest in you."

Sanosuke blinked. "He does? Heh… I thought he was just trying to mess with my head."

Kenshin shook his head. "Battousai is serious in everything he does or says. Could you find it in you to love him as you do me?" 

"He is just another side to you, isn't he?" Sanosuke countered, smirking. "He may not act as—_cute_—as you do, but he's still another side to Himura Kenshin. Even though he can get on my nerves, I've found myself trying to help him. I want him to have a heart, Kenshin. I want to see him happy just as much as I want to see you happy."

Kenshin nodded, smiling at Sanosuke. "You have a good heart, Sano," he said, hugging Sanosuke. "You'll be good for both Battousai and myself." 

Sanosuke blushed and hugged Kenshin back, running his fingers through Kenshin's hair. "If you say so, Kenshin," he whispered.

"I know so, Sano," Kenshin whispered back. Battousai cleared his throat in the back of Kenshin's mind, causing Kenshin to sigh. "I must go now. Battousai wishes to have control again, that he does."

"Before you go, Kenshin…" Sanosuke began, pulling away from Kenshin, "let me do something, first." And before Kenshin could utter an "Oro!" Sanosuke's lips were on his own in a clumsy, rushed kiss. Kenshin lightly kisses back, understanding that he should let Sanosuke have this time to know his feelings were returned. When they broke apart Kenshin smiled before closing his eyes. 

Battousai opened his eyes, looked up at Sanosuke and growled, pulling himself out of Sanosuke's arms. "Just because I like you," he muttered, "doesn't mean you're allowed to get sickeningly sweet with me." And with that said, he stormed off, leaving a chuckling Sanosuke behind. He had to go keep an eye on Soujiro. 


	8. Tension at the Kamiya Dojo

AN: Meh… I need some angst in here, somewhere. It's too…too happy-ish right now. XD

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Eight

Sanosuke had decided to let Battousai spy on Soujiro without interruptions. He knew that it was impossible to sway Battousai from doing his "duty" of sorts, but he couldn't help but to watch Battousai. Considering Battousai wasn't used to such attention, Sanosuke would catch the ex-assassin blushing from time to time. However, as the day moved on, Sanosuke noticed a change in Battousai's mannerisms.

Battousai wasn't nearly as relaxed as he usually was—which wasn't that relaxed at all, now that Sanosuke thought about it—and that Soujiro seemed to be tensing up quite a bit, as well. Both were on edge and Sanosuke couldn't fathom as to why they were. Perhaps Battousai had been correct in saying that Soujiro was up to something—maybe the young man had been planning something.

But that didn't make sense. Soujiro was tense, almost as tense as Battousai himself, but anxiousness couldn't cause that much tension in such a usually easy-going and happy person. Something else had to be bothering the young man, and the same thing had to be bothering Battousai just as much, if not more. Yahiko was even beginning to notice that the two were acting strange, and had asked Sanosuke if he knew what was up.

The boy was now sleeping, thankfully, leaving the three adults up and about. Generally, seeing Battousai so uptight made Sanosuke nervous, leaving Sanosuke to wonder if everything would be all right, that nothing was going to happen. Soon enough, when Battousai had excused himself to take a walk outside of the Dojo, Sanosuke couldn't help but want to follow—he needed to ask Battousai what was going on. He couldn't just be left in the dark if his life was in danger; if Yahiko was going to need to be protected. 

"Sanosuke, I do not appreciate you following me like this," Battousai muttered finally as they made it halfway up the street. Sanosuke had been about ten feet or so behind Battousai, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was following. 

"You never take walks, Battousai. I was just wondering what you were up to," Sanosuke responded, noticing that the ex-assassin turned around to face him. Battousai's face was hard to decipher in the dark lighting of the street, but Sanosuke could see that the mask Battousai usually placed on his face had been removed, leaving Sanosuke to glimpse further into Battousai's soul. Since Battousai had obviously noticed Sanosuke's resolve to stay with him, Battousai motioned Sanosuke to come over to him.

"I was checking to see if anyone was spying on the Dojo. I've been sensing disturbing presences all day after you and Kenshin had your little talk," Battousai answered, sighing, his left hand tightening a bit on the sheath of the sakabato. It looked as if he was going to tense and go into the Battoujutsu stance any second. "And by 'disturbing' I mean threatening presences, Sanosuke." 

Sanosuke nodded, tensing up slightly as well and staring out at the shadows suspiciously. If Battousai was uptight enough now that his hand was continuing to tighten around the sheath of the sakabato, there had to be someone near by making him this tense. "Are they strong?"

At the question Battousai relaxed, removing his hand from the sheath and straightening. He turned to Sanosuke and took a step towards him. "I believe one of them is strong—he has only been around once, though. I believe I sensed him just now, but he moved away…" Battousai muttered, taking a few steps back towards the Dojo. "I think it's safest if we stay at home, tonight."

"Shouldn't we be trying to get Yahiko and Soujiro out of the Dojo and to someplace safe?" Sanosuke asked, blinking and following him. "I mean, if they're going to attack, shouldn't we try to avoid getting hurt? They can't possibly be watching us all the time to know all of our moves, can they?"

"They are, Sanosuke, and that's exactly why we should stay at the Dojo. If we attempt to relocate they'll only follow us, and think us cowardly for bothering to run away in the first place. And Hitokiri Battousai does not run from battles, just to delay them," he muttered, glancing up at Sanosuke. "I may be just a part of Kenshin to you, but in a sense I really am a different person than he is. I understand that in any battle someone is likely to get hurt, or even die, and I'd rather not sit and wait for that to happen. If someone's going to get hurt," Battousai paused, his eyes growing darker a bit, "I want it only to be me."

"What are you saying?" Sanosuke asked, dropping his voice to a whisper. "Are you really going to sacrifice yourself for us—for Soujiro? Kenshin wouldn't want you to do that!"

"And that's exactly why he will have some control if a fight breaks out, Sanosuke," Battousai responded, managing a soft smile. "I will lend him my strength and skills as he will lend me his will to live. If we are truly going to become one, instead of remaining separate, then we need to be able to cooperate with each other. We need to see each other eye to eye. While he wants to hold onto his little want to never kill again, we both know I have no qualms on ending someone's life. But I only kill those who I believe deserve death…"

"And what if this guy deserves it, Battousai? What are you going to do then?" Sanosuke muttered. "I don't want to see either you or Kenshin lose your lives here…I don't want to see anyone die tonight."

"I don't know if they will attack tonight, Sanosuke," Battousai said softly, almost reassuringly as he smiled at Sanosuke. It was a fake smile, one Sanosuke could see through clearly. "But I want you to remain on your guard…especially since they might attack Soujiro or myself first. I don't know who they're after."

"What about Yahiko?" Sanosuke muttered as they headed through the front gate of the Dojo. "What're we gonna do about him? The kid's too young to be involved in this."

"He has beaten a member of the Juppongattana by himself mimicking one my own techniques. The boy can handle himself rather well, and he's still coming along as a swordsman even if Kaoru is not here to continue training him," Battousai responded with a soft sigh. "If he was involved in Kenshin's matters since he has known Kenshin, then the boy should fare fine on his own."

Sanosuke sighed and nodded to Battousai, grudgingly agreeing with him. "Shouldn't we try to get the police to come here and help us?"

"The police can't do anything. I've known that since during the days of the revolution. The only ones we can trust are ourselves. And if they're after Soujiro, he is no longer our enemy, but our ally. That and I have a good reason to believe that they _are_ after Soujiro—Soujiro's acting more tense about the presences outside of the Dojo than I am. I was going to ask him if he knew what was going on, but every time I went to do so, I was distracted," Battousai explained with a small shrug. 

"Then shouldn't we ask him now?" Sanosuke asked, raising an eyebrow at Battousai's tensing shoulders. "What is it, Battousai?"

"Sanosuke, stay here," he ordered, stopping Sanosuke from taking another step forward. Blinking, Sanosuke looked down at Battousai before the shorter man pushed himself away from Sanosuke, heading towards the Dojo. "Go get Yahiko, Sanosuke."

"Thought you told me to stay here?" Sanosuke muttered, confused.

"Go—get—Yahiko," Battousai repeated, his voice sharp yet low at the same time. Chills were sent Sanosuke's spine as he heard that pitch in Battousai's voice. Not wanting to push Battousai's patience, Sanosuke headed off towards the back of the Dojo to the back entrance so he could get Yahiko faster. Sounds of swords crashing and meeting each other reached his ears as he sneaked inside of the Dojo. It didn't take long for Sanosuke to find Yahiko, sprawled about his bed as if he didn't hear a single sound. 

"Yahiko, you bastard, wake up," Sanosuke hissed, shaking the boy awake. Yahiko slowly came to just as a crash of a body falling to the floor resounded throughout the Dojo. 

"What's going on, Sano…?"

Sanosuke put a hand to Yahiko's mouth, "Be quiet, idiot. I don't think they know you're in here…" he whispered, glancing towards the door of Yahiko's room. Yahiko's eyes were looking up at him questioningly, causing Sanosuke to sigh. "Some creeps decided to attack the Dojo, Yahiko. Kenshin and Soujiro are fighting them off, I think…."

"Sanosuke-san! Yahiko! Come with me."

Sanosuke glanced up to see Soujiro standing by the door, looking somewhat distraught as he leaned against the doorframe as best he could. "Where are we going?" Sanosuke muttered, standing up, dragging Yahiko to his feet, as well.

"Outside. Himura-san has decided to fight the men by himself, but I doubt he'll win…" Soujiro's eyes seemed clearer, almost filled with emotions that Sanosuke thought was impossible to see within the young man's eyes. "He told me that he wanted you two outside, away from the battle."

Sanosuke nodded before turning to Yahiko. "C'mon, let's do as Kenshin says for now, okay?" 

Yahiko opened his mouth, probably to retort, but Sanosuke shook his head and muttered, "I'll explain when we get outside, Yahiko. Now c'mon…" Sanosuke then headed out of the room, Yahiko following him reluctantly.

"I wanna help Kenshin…" Yahiko muttered as he caught up to Sanosuke, glaring at the ground.

"I do, too, kid, but that isn't Kenshin who's fighting in there," Sanosuke responded softly, sighing. 

"What?!"

"That's Hitokiri Battousai fighting," Sanosuke continued, as if he hadn't heard Yahiko's cry at all. "Ever since Jou-chan died, Battousai's pretty much taken over…"

"He isn't much different than Kenshin," Yahiko said softly, blinking up at Sanosuke as they made it into the yard of the Dojo. Soujiro was no where to be seen, but Sanosuke figured he went to help Battousai out. "Aside from the fact that his food isn't as good."

Sanosuke managed a soft chuckle at that, listening to see if he could catch any sound of the fight. Fidgeting slightly, he focused his attention at the front of the Dojo, wondering if Battousai was all right. "Kenshin was took control earlier today, though," Sanosuke whispered finally. 

"…I thought he had been acting a bit different," Yahiko muttered, staring intently at the front of the Dojo as well. "Did you tell him how you felt about him?"

Sanosuke crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't understand why he and Yahiko were talking so calmly when they knew that the man they admired and loved was now fighting and possibly going to lose his life. Why was he just standing there, not even able to watch the battle? "C'mon, Yahiko, let's go." 

"I was waiting for you to say that, lunkhead," Yahiko stated, smirking and heading off towards the front of the Dojo. "C'mon, we gotta help your boyfriend!"

Sanosuke glared at Yahiko's back before running off after the boy. "Where's your sword, Yahiko?" 

"I'm gonna go get it, you go on ahead, Sano," Yahiko called out to him, jogging away from Sanosuke.

Sanosuke nodded and picked up his pace a bit, praying that at the moment, Battousai wasn't hurt. When he made it to where the battle was taking place, Battousai had his back to him, sword drawn and in position. The man in front of him was built just as most expected an expert swordsman to be. Within a second Sanosuke felt the presence of someone else, and he glanced over to see Soujiro standing next to him.

"Who is that guy?" Sanosuke asked finally, hoping that Soujiro would know.

"The man who killed my family," Soujiro responded, drawing his sword. "It's my fault that he's here—he was after me…I thought that if I stayed with Himura-san, I would be safe."

Sanosuke only managed a nod, watching the battle occur, his mouth set in a firm line. "Please, Battousai," he thought out loud to himself as Soujiro went to help Battousai, "don't forget that you need to see Kenshin eye to eye, and to keep his vow never to kill again…while staying alive." 


	9. A Short Release of Tension

AN: ^^;; I guess I forgot to mention in my summery that this fic was Alternative History… Considering I knew I was going to go off the RK timeline, but anyway…

Going back to italics for when Kenshin speaks to Battousai/Battousai speaks to Kenshin…

Disclaimer: I own no one. 

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter Nine

"Please Battousai...don't forget that you need to see Kenshin eye to eye, and to keep his vow never to kill again…while staying alive."

Battousai had heard those words, his stance tensing. "Sanosuke..." he murmured, then narrowed his eyes at the man in front of him. Sanosuke wouldn't dare get involved; Battousai had strictly told him not to. _Sanosuke isn't one to listen to reason, Battousai, you know that. _"I know, Kenshin," Battousai muttered.

The man in front of him laughed. "Talking to yourself? I bet you're scared shitless of me. Do you know who I am?"

"I know that you came here with the intent to harm those who live here. For that, I mustn't let anyone die here tonight," Battousai responded, his voice perfectly even. "Do you know who I am?" he tossed back, sheathing his sword and getting into his Battoujutsu stance. He wanted to get this over with; to fend off the evil and to do so in one blow. 

"Red hair...golden eyes... I say you're the ever-so-famous Hitokiri Battousai. The same Hitokiri with a silly vow never to kill again. How do you expect to defeat me without killing me?" the man rasped, getting into a stance that Battousai had rarely seen before.

The man in front of him obviously had developed a style of his own, meaning that every move that Battousai was going to see tonight would be altered from something else, if not something completely unrecognizable to the current sword styles he had seen. Battousai did not tense his stance and hid his unease. Battousai was glad that he had taken care of the man's lackeys; having distractions now could be deadly. 

__

Aren't Sano and Yahiko considered a distraction, Battousai? Kenshin asked softly, causing Battousai to glance fleetingly over his shoulder. The two mentioned by Kenshin were standing behind him, Sanosuke looking determined to jump into the fight and Yahiko was wielding that pathetic bamboo sword of his. 

"Friends of yours?" the man asked, leaning over Battousai's shoulder. How the man got there without Battousai noticing was beyond him, but he knew better than to tense. 

"You could say that," Battousai responded, his tone filled with crushed ice. "You will not touch them unless you defeat me," he ordered, backing away from the man, "Do you hear me?"

"Why should I listen to you? A hitokiri who doesn't kill doesn't deserve respect from me."

Battousai fixed the man with one of his best glares; his lips set in a firm line and his eyes flashing. "Touch them and my vow never to kill again will break." _Battousai! No! This man won't respond to threats the way you wish him to, that he will not. _"I don't care, Kenshin," Battousai muttered, "if he hurts Sanosuke or Yahiko, he _will_ die."

"Talking to yourself again? Is that all you can do?" 

"Oi! Battousai's the best swordsman around! He'll kick your ass!" Yahiko called from behind them. 

The man just smirked, taking slow steps towards Yahiko. Battousai's eyes never left him, narrowing, as the man grew closer to the boy. Even in the darkness Battousai could make out the shine of the sword in the man's hands; could sense his next move even before he would strike. "Leave him alone," Battousai rasped, his voice sounding more like Kenshin's than his own. 

"Why shouldn't I kill the boy?" the man turned around and smirked at Battousai, causing Battousai's skin to crawl and tighten around him. He noticed, for the first time, that the man's eyes were a startling green.

"He is too young to die; too young to look at death," Battousai explained. He gave one fleeting apologetic look to Sanosuke, who looked back at him quizzically. Did he notice Battousai's tone was different—that it was softer, more relaxed than defensive? "I told you if you're going to attack anyone tonight, it will be me. Not Soujiro; that particular young man has gone through enough battles as it is."

"A speech? I came here to dispose of the brat who escaped years ago—and to see if the rumors were true. The rumors are true and the brat is here, yet you don't want to fight, Battousai?"

"Himura," Battousai murmured. "Refer to me as Himura." It was odd; Kenshin was slowly taking over and Battousai wasn't fighting it one bit. It was more of a relief not to fight the urge to hold onto the power of control. He knew Kenshin would let him control the body's movements, somehow, and he took a step forward, raising his hand and waving the man towards him. "If you want to fight me," it was Kenshin who had control of what they were saying, he realized, "then come. I will not sit around and waste my time with your foolishness."

Battousai almost felt as if Kenshin's presence was around him, Kenshin's hands wrapped around his own as he held tightly onto the sakabato. _To make sure you don't go for the kill_, Kenshin whispered, and Battousai nodded. He knew that he and Kenshin were ready now. He knew that nothing would stop them from winning. 

However, the man had taken his offer to come, and Battousai nearly found himself caught off guard. Escaping within no more than an inch of his life, Battousai felt a trickle of blood run down his neck. A small scrape, he realized, disregarding it and going in to attack the man. It was almost too easy for the man to sidestep him, just as it was almost too easy for the man to catch him in the back with the blunt edge of the sword. Battousai ignored the fleeting pain, jumped up, and attempted to pull off a _Ryu Tsui Sen_, but found it to be blocked. _He's good, _Kenshin commented, and Battousai found himself nodding in agreement. 

He'd need to find a way to defeat the man in front of him without getting Sanosuke or Yahiko involved. This much he owed Kenshin; he didn't want Kenshin to lose any one else who was close to him. He didn't want to lose Sanosuke, either, because the younger man was finally warming up to him. Dying wasn't an option for anyone, tonight. 

But Battousai realized, as he continued to fight the man, that the man was not tiring, nor was he dropping his defense at any time. He was skilled and Battousai knew that it would be hard for him to win and not to aim to kill the man in front of him. _We have to win, Battousai. We have to protect Soujiro, Yahiko, and Sano. Sano and Yahiko aren't going to stand a chance against this man in battle, and Soujiro himself would have a tough time defeating him. If we die… _

"They die, too," Battousai rasped to himself, managing to land a hit on the man in front of him. The man smirked as Battousai jumped away, putting a considerable amount of distance between them.

"That didn't even hurt."

Battousai straightened himself out, staring coolly at the man in front of him. The man's stance was strong, no sign of pain laced through his features. Not for a second did Battousai believe him. "Oh really? It didn't hurt?" The man's eyes narrowed at him. Battousai smirked in response. "Care to take another blow to prove that it didn't hurt?"

Growling, the man charged at him, his free hand nearly reaching for his left side, the side Battousai had struck. His speed, Battousai noticed, had slowed, and he sidestepped the man easily, and without any pause he got the man in the back with his sakabato. "If it didn't hurt," Battousai began, kicking the back of the man's knees, "then why did it slow you down?"

"Himura-san, don't make him any angrier!" 

"Soujiro, stay out of this. This is my battle," Battousai murmured, turning to the young man. Soujiro's eyes were shadowed. _Battousai, move! _

It was too late. A flash of searing hot pain ran through his body, causing him to grimace and shout out in pain. His back…he could feel the blood running down his back freely. _Damnit, Battousai! Even I know better than to let my guard down while facing an opponent. _"Quiet, Kenshin…" Battousai hissed through his teeth, jumping away before the man could inflict any other injuries. He continued to hold up his sword, glaring at the man.

The man smirked. "I just don't like it when people think they've won. I wouldn't have cut you so bad if you hadn't thought you were good enough to turn around and talk to someone else."

Battousai narrowed his eyes, lowering his sword. His body relaxed into the Battoujutsu position. "We need to end this now, Kenshin," he whispered above the wind. Rain started to fall, mixing painfully with his blood, stinging his back. But he didn't care. He felt Kenshin nod to him, felt Sanosuke watching his every single move, and felt Soujiro breathing harshly. Slowly he lowered himself, and the man raised an eyebrow, his green eyes glittering in the flash of lightening.

"Battoujutsu?" the man asked above the crash of lightening. "Are you really so stupid as to come at me with your fastest attack when you're as injured as you are? Are you asking for death?"

"If anyone is going to fall from this attack, it will be you, not me, I'm afraid," Battousai muttered, keeping his voice a deadly whisper. The storm going around him was nothing like the one going on in his soul; the soul he and Kenshin had shared and twisted and pulled apart…the soul that was trying to complete itself again. With one last fleeting glance towards Sanosuke, Kenshin took over long enough to whisper, _I'm sorry_ as he tightly clasped the hilt of his sakabato. 

"What are you waiting for, Battousai?" the man growled. There was an edginess to his voice that Battousai hadn't heard before. He furrowed his brow but ignored the tone, concentrating on reasons to stay alive, why he could not lose this battle. 

"Come," the word was breathed, and Battousai felt a calm bestow upon him like never before. A calm he thought only Kenshin was able to feel—but now, for the first time in his entire short existence, he felt it, and watched as the man grew closer, his steps quickening. He stayed in place, then charged at the last second, closing his eyes, swinging and pushing through with his left foot.

The pain came instantaneously. Kenshin collapsed, panting and bleeding. The man…had not dodged, but had managed to land an attack across his chest before he had. Bracing himself against his sakabato, Kenshin glanced over his shoulder, relieved to find the man was on the ground, still breathing, but unable to move otherwise. "I…won…" he began, "and I didn't…need to kill you…" 

"Kenshin! Are you all right?!"

__

Sanosuke…"Sano…I'll be fine, that I will…" Kenshin coughed into his hand, ignoring the metallic taste of blood. _Or so we hope… _Arms wrapped around him from behind, and Kenshin leaned into them, glad to feel the warmth of Sanosuke's chest against his back. 

"Himura-san! What are you going to do about him?" Soujiro asked, rushing to his side, taking the sakabato out of Kenshin's hands. His hands were loose around the hilt, and Soujiro did not need to pry it from his hand. 

"Hand him to the police, that we will. There is no need for anymore unnecessary blood shed, that there is not," Kenshin said softly, smiling slightly at Soujiro. Soujiro nodded to him, quickly moving out of sight and gathering the man up. "Soujiro…take care of yourself."

"…I will, Himura-san," and with that Soujiro disposed of the man's sword, bound his wrists and dragged him along the road, out of sight.

"Kenshin…I thought I was gonna lose you again…" Sanosuke whispered softly into his ear. Sanosuke's next words were lost as Kenshin slipped into unconsciousness, safe and secure in Sanosuke's arms. 


	10. One Heart, One Soul

AN: Welp, guys, this seems to be the last chapter. ^^ Hope you don't mind at all. I had a blast writing this—and maybe I can finally get to some of my other fanfics and original stories done, too. ^^;

Warning: Something called SAP has made its way in here. Shounen ai, you know, the usual.

Still the Same to Me  
Chapter 10  
"One Heart, One Soul"

When Kenshin woke up, he discovered himself to be inside of the Dojo, lying down with his chest and neck bandaged. Slowly he forced himself to sit up, wincing when his entire upper body protested in pain. He ignored it, looking around the Dojo. Everything looked the same…but something felt different….

"Sanosuke…" he breathed, the name barely passing his lips as he looked around. He was alone…? Not even Megumi was standing over him, watching him with her sharp eyes. Sighing, Kenshin laid back down on the bed made for him, closing his eyes. It wasn't the fact that he was alone that bothered him; something felt truly different and he couldn't figure out what. Something was wrong…at least, that's the feeling he had.

But nothing was wrong, part of him argued. This is what you wanted to happen, and you willed it to be finally so. Turning over on his side, Kenshin rested his head on his arm, looking out over the whole Dojo. He remembered fighting those men to protect Kaoru…all the fond memories that came with this Dojo. Without thinking he ran a hand over his chest, across the gash that was wrapped up so meticulously over his front. Megumi must have wrapped the wound—only her doctor's hands could be this precise. 

Something was missing despite the fact that he felt complete, and it wasn't Sanosuke who was missing. He searched his mind, trying to figure out what it was. He remembered the battle, how he and Battousai had—

"Battousai…?" Kenshin closed his eyes. "Battousai, are you still here…?"

Silence…but there felt to be a presence around him, a familiar one, one Kenshin had associated with Battousai. He relaxed, albeit slightly. So this is what it was like to be one with Battousai again… Getting up, Kenshin made his way to the doors of the Dojo, ignoring the pain. All the while he knew he felt different, but it didn't worry him now.

"Everybody! Kenshin's up!" 

Kenshin smiled softly as he made his way through the door, greeted by the happy faces of everyone. How would they have reacted to a second death…? And one so soon, at that? Slowly, as Kenshin scanned the crowd of glowing faces, he noticed Soujiro was missing. "I'm sorry to have worried you all," he said finally, his eyes landing on Sanosuke for the first time. The younger man smiled at him, his eyes soft, and Kenshin felt himself blush slightly, but he couldn't find it in his heart to look away. "I promise you all that I won't do that again, that I won't."

"Kenshin, you can't promise that! Trouble follows you wherever you go," Yahiko joked, laughing to himself and putting his arms behind his head. "Anyway, Megumi was making breakfast. You got up just in time to eat, Kenshin." 

Kenshin smiled at Yahiko, heading toward him and Sanosuke, sitting between them. Life could be easy again… "What is she making?" he asked pleasantly.

"You'll see! Kaoru used to make it all the time but you know how she could never cook," Yahiko said, a lingering sadness clouding his eyes. "At least it won't be burnt to a crisp, you know?" 

Kenshin chuckled softly, nodding to Yahiko before turning to Sanosuke. The younger man was looking down at his feet, resting his arm on his leg to prop his head up. "Sano? Is something bothering you…?" Kenshin asked softly, trying to lean within Sanosuke's current line of vision. The movement, however, caused too much pain and Kenshin winced, sitting back in his previous position. Sanosuke looked up when Kenshin had asked, though, and for a fleeting second Kenshin thought he saw the beginnings of tears in his eyes. "Sano…" he breathed, his voice filled with worry.

"I'm so glad you're alright, Kenshin," Sanosuke said finally. His voice was even though his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. "Anyway, don't worry about me, okay? I'll talk to you about it later…when we're alone."

His words were soft and persuasive, causing Kenshin to nod even though he wanted to continue inquiring Sanosuke what was wrong. There had to have been something wrong, if Sanosuke didn't want to speak with him about it in front of the others. Sighing, Kenshin looked up the pale blue sky, feeling the wind blow through his hair—which he hadn't realized was loose from its usual bindings—until his bowl of food was offered in front of him. He took it graciously and began eating slowly, getting annoyed when his hair decided to fall in his face as he tried to eat.

He growled at a small piece of his own hair that fell in front of his eyes and into his food, then blinked in surprise when he felt rough hands push his hair out of his face and gather up the rest of his hair, twisting it so that most of it rested at the back of his neck. Kenshin felt his face heat up and resumed eating quietly, not glancing toward Sanosuke at all. "It wasn't bothering me that much," he muttered finally.

"You growled at your own hair, Kenshin. Don't tell me it wasn't bothering you," Sanosuke responded, smirking to himself as he continued eating his breakfast. Kenshin heard the soft laughter in his tone and smiled to himself, finishing his meal slowly. By the time he finished his first bowl Sanosuke was well into his second, along with Yahiko. He figured it was a good thing he wasn't all that hungry at the moment. Without thinking Kenshin put his bowl down and looked among everyone sitting. 

They all seemed so calm, so normal for the first time since Kaoru had passed away. Everyone was at ease, eating and distracting one another from getting more food (or maybe that was just Sanosuke and Yahiko, Kenshin noted to himself). Smiling widely, he stood up, reaching behind his head and untwisting his hair, letting it flow all the way down his back. "I'll be inside, that I will. You all finish eating, alright?" he ignored the soft pains in his back and chest as he walked back inside of the Dojo. 

This was still the same group of friends—no, family—that Kenshin had had before he had made the horrible mistake. But did they realize that he, himself, was not the same Kenshin they had grown to love so much? That he had changed right underneath their noses in so many ways that he, himself, did not feel like the same person? He sighed, wrapping his arms around himself and noticing for the first time that the heavy weight of his sakabato was not hanging from his hip. He almost didn't look around the room to find it…his emotional attachment to it was gone.

Like Battousai… Though, Battousai wasn't really gone, was he? And poor Sanosuke…those two were finally warming up to each other, weren't they? What if Sanosuke didn't want just Kenshin…what if he had changed his mind and wanted Battousai and Battousai only, now? How was he going to handle this? Ignoring the build up of tears, Kenshin headed toward his room, sitting down on the mat he called his bed slowly, so as not to agitate his wounds. 

"Kenshin…?" 

Kenshin looked up toward where he had heard the voice, seeing Sanosuke standing in the doorway of his room. Allowing himself a small smile, Kenshin nodded to Sanosuke and patted the spot next to him. "Come on in, you don't have to stand, that you don't," he whispered, looking away from Sanosuke.

"Kenshin…are you and Battousai…?"

Kenshin glanced up at Sanosuke, noticing the hesitation in Sanosuke's movements as he sat down next to Kenshin. Without thinking, Kenshin leaned against Sanosuke's shoulder, sighing. "Are we one person, now?" Kenshin asked for him, not even bothering to look at him.

"Yeah…" Sanosuke replied softly. 

"We are. I feel no different aside from the fact that now, instead of feeling as if my soul was separated into two parts, that it's one. But still…something's missing, Sano, and I can't figure out what, that I can't…" Kenshin whispered, closing his eyes. 

"Do you—Kenshin, do you think you've changed at all…?" Sanosuke asked slowly, tracing Kenshin's cheek with his finger. "Do you think you aren't the same as you've always been, that you're not Kenshin anymore…?" Sanosuke's arms wrapped around him, pulling Kenshin to his chest. Adjusting his position slightly so he wasn't putting too much pressure on his own wounds, Kenshin looked up into Sanosuke's eyes, trying to come up with response.

"Honestly, Sano, I think I have changed," he whispered finally, looking away. "I feel no attachment to my sakabato anymore…I hadn't even noticed it was missing until I came back inside… I feel no more sadness over Kaoru's death. I just…there just seems to be more to me, now, that didn't really exist until now…"

"Kenshin…what you are feeling is a combination of what you felt and what Battousai felt. You're one now, the two of you…" Sanosuke began to explain softly, kissing Kenshin's forehead before bending down to kiss his lips. Kenshin gasped softly before leaning into the kiss, holding onto Sanosuke's shirt. "And that makes you complete now, a whole person… But you're still you, Kenshin. You haven't changed as much as you thought you did. You're still sweet, kind; innocent but deadly…" Sanosuke smirked at the last one, causing Kenshin to look away from him. "What is it…?"

"I just don't understand what's still the same about me, that I don't," Kenshin responded softly, resting his head against Sanosuke's chest. "I don't have to argue with another part of me anymore…I don't hear his voice…and he most certainly won't be here for you to talk to anymore…"

"Kenshin, as much as I liked Battousai, I also realized that he is nothing more than just another part of you that had broken itself off… He was still you, and you're still you. You're just a complete you, now… I still love you, Kenshin. Nothing will ever change that. You're still the same to me no matter what happens to you…because I'll always love you, Kenshin…" Sanosuke's voice was so soft Kenshin could barely hear it above his own breathing. 

"Sanosuke…" Kenshin looked into Sanosuke's eyes before managing a soft, sheepish smile. Sanosuke's eyes were filled with sincerity, so much sincerity that it almost made Kenshin break down into tears. Sighing happily, Kenshin rested his head back on Sanosuke's chest, nuzzling him, muttering. "I love you too, Sanosuke… Thank you…"

Sanosuke tilted Kenshin's chin, pressing a soft kiss against Kenshin's lips before whispering, "You're welcome, Kenshin…"

Kenshin kissed back, pulling Sanosuke closer to him. He would always be the same to Sanosuke…that was all he had ever needed to hear to be happy. That nothing he could ever do would change the way Sanosuke thought of him…and Kenshin hoped it would remain that way, and that it was the same for everyone else who became apart of his little mix-matched family. A small part of him told him to be rest assured that he would always remain the same.

And for once, Kenshin listened to that part of himself, allowing himself to be fully content for the first time in many, many years. It was a well-deserved contentment and Kenshin wasn't about to let it go, just as much as he wasn't about to let Sanosuke go. He could start life a new for real, now, as atonement for not only those he had killed, but for how he had allowed himself to suffer so much. And he would do so with Sanosuke by his side. He would always be the same. Always…


End file.
